Like most of the Finns my family belonged to Evangelical Lutheran Church, even though they were in no way religious. Early in adolescence I was alienated from the church and finally left it at the age of nineteen. Don't get me wrong - I've always believed in God, but Lutheran Church gave me nothing, and as I didn't know anything else for me it was all the same. Also what I was thought about Jesus didn't make much sense to me, so I only regarded him as a historical figure, that's all: I could no longer consider myself a christian. I never read Bible but I did pray.
I was twelve when I found a pleasure of masturbation and soon realized I liked boys. I don't recall being shocked, though; I guess I rather got used to the idea quite easily. However, obviously it was my secret alone. I was extremely shy teenager and bullied at school because of that: my self-esteem was crushed down and I was made believe that nobody could love me.
At those days UFOs and paranormal phenomenon interested me a lot. I was convinced that the dead were living in the spiritual world. Ecological and ethical issues became my primary concerns in my twenties. I was a member of both Greenpeace and Amnesty. I was also interested in nutrition and health, and while studieng those things in Finnish Folk High School I made new friends who encouraged me to the spiritual path - I became a seeker for truth.
One of my
new friends was an orthodox and immediately after the school year I went for couple of weeks to the orthodox Monastery of New Valamo to volantary work. I partook every Service I had time to, and it was great and profound experience! It made me think that "perhaps there is something about this Christ-business after all": I had met the living Christ on the heart level!
Later that summer I discovered the Finnish Theosophical writer and christian mystic Pekka Ervast and I was impressed: "This makes sense!" Now also my intellect was enlightened with such a knowledge of Christ that actually glorified him: head and heart in co-operation.
But then I found the gnostic Mystery School - Lectorium Rosicrucianum - and suddenly everything seemed so clear. I wasn't even surprised to learn that homosexuality was seen as abnormality and sickness, somehow I was able to accept it in my mind. Troubles only began when I met my man. I was torn apart. It was long and painful process. In my need of help I turned to one particular church. It wasn't easy at first, but the more I attended to Service, the more I got in. I knew that in this church nobody could tell me how I should think or live my life. Through experience alone - by regularly attending to Service - in my heart I came to know Jesus Christ again as my closest Friend who always walks by my side.
After two years I was ready to leave Lectorium Rosicrucianum for good and to become a member of this new church which saved my soul from the spiritual death. Today I'm out of the closet also in my congregation and I feel accepted as I am. I'm proud and grateful for my church - I love my church because I love Christ who loves me and gives himself to me in bread and wine!
I was twelve when I found a pleasure of masturbation and soon realized I liked boys. I don't recall being shocked, though; I guess I rather got used to the idea quite easily. However, obviously it was my secret alone. I was extremely shy teenager and bullied at school because of that: my self-esteem was crushed down and I was made believe that nobody could love me.
At those days UFOs and paranormal phenomenon interested me a lot. I was convinced that the dead were living in the spiritual world. Ecological and ethical issues became my primary concerns in my twenties. I was a member of both Greenpeace and Amnesty. I was also interested in nutrition and health, and while studieng those things in Finnish Folk High School I made new friends who encouraged me to the spiritual path - I became a seeker for truth.
One of my
new friends was an orthodox and immediately after the school year I went for couple of weeks to the orthodox Monastery of New Valamo to volantary work. I partook every Service I had time to, and it was great and profound experience! It made me think that "perhaps there is something about this Christ-business after all": I had met the living Christ on the heart level!Later that summer I discovered the Finnish Theosophical writer and christian mystic Pekka Ervast and I was impressed: "This makes sense!" Now also my intellect was enlightened with such a knowledge of Christ that actually glorified him: head and heart in co-operation.
But then I found the gnostic Mystery School - Lectorium Rosicrucianum - and suddenly everything seemed so clear. I wasn't even surprised to learn that homosexuality was seen as abnormality and sickness, somehow I was able to accept it in my mind. Troubles only began when I met my man. I was torn apart. It was long and painful process. In my need of help I turned to one particular church. It wasn't easy at first, but the more I attended to Service, the more I got in. I knew that in this church nobody could tell me how I should think or live my life. Through experience alone - by regularly attending to Service - in my heart I came to know Jesus Christ again as my closest Friend who always walks by my side.
After two years I was ready to leave Lectorium Rosicrucianum for good and to become a member of this new church which saved my soul from the spiritual death. Today I'm out of the closet also in my congregation and I feel accepted as I am. I'm proud and grateful for my church - I love my church because I love Christ who loves me and gives himself to me in bread and wine!
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