The most important book I read last year, was definitely a biography of Jiddu Krishnamurti by Mary Lutyens, freshly published in Finnish in 2024. It is said to be the only official biography. The writer knew Krishnamurti personally over 70 years.
I have been interested in Krishnamurti for a long time, even though I still have read up on his works very little. It is admirable how he disclaimed the role that was envisioned for him, and began to teach his own truth. [Here you can find the text of the talk he gave on August 3, 1929, when he dissolved The Order of the Star that he was head of. Years and years later he maintained that the core of his teaching is included in the sentence, "Truth is a pathless land".]
Minor references in this book to theosophical clairvoyant and liberal catholic bishop, C.W. Leadbeater, who supposedly found Krishnamurti, strengthen my judgement that he was NOT a highly developed man: he was full of himself and wanted to make himself important. The path of initiation as he saw it, was mere fantasy. He was disappointed and thought Krishnamurti had "failed". Instead, Annie Besant, president of the Theosophical Society and his foster mother, "was the one person who never doubted that Krishnaji [Krishnamurti's nickname] was the world teacher. She had warned everyone that when the World Teacher manifests, he may say things completely contrary to what they expect."* Reputedly she later said in private, that maybe he was greater than we imagined: not expected world teacher, but the truth itself walking quietly among us.
Personally, I have always enjoyed ceremonies of the Liberal Catholic Church, but I have recognized their imperfection: in an attempt to renew the Christian Church in 1916, they were too hasty, and renewal was left halfway. They still lean too much on the old tradition. The Christian Community did it much better a few years later, in 1922. I'm still a member of the latter one, yet an ex-christian.
Even in this book, a question is left unanswered if Maitreya actually was behind Krishnamurti. It seems that he himself was equally puzzled. He did say, "I have never denied the Masters, but Leadbeater and Arundale [also a bishop in LCC, and the president of the Theosophical Society after passing of Annie Besant in 1933, leading it until 1945] brought what was sublime to the ridiculous, and I denied the ridiculous."*
All his life he underwent something that he called "process", which caused him great pains. But a feelings of bliss and sacredness were there too.
Osho, a controversial modern guru, who had some interesting ideas, but whom I can't possibly consider enlightened (if you have seen Netflix documentary series, Wild Wild Country, you know what I mean), valued Krishnamurti, and said he was on the mountain top and his listeners were down in the valley. He also said, Krishnamurti didn't give answers, he was the answer. That is an impression you might get while listening to recordings of his speeches. [see the YouTube Channel of Krishnamurti Foundation.] Sometimes he seems a little frustrated: "You have listened to me for decades, and you haven't changed! Change now, not tomorrow." At some point he states, he has been like he is since childhood, "a freak of nature". Perhaps he was not able to see how hard that, which was natural to him, was for other people? He has been criticized by some for not offering any method.
One has to find the answer for oneself; one has to wipe the slate clean and begin again, knowing that no one outside is going to help you - no authority, no belief, no religious sanctions, no moral standards - nothing. Nor will the past, with its scriptures, saviours, gurus, and all that. These are no longer important.
Jiddu Krishnamurti, talk to young people 2, Brandeis University, 21 October 1968
Krishnamurti met Dalai Lama and they had philosophical conversation in spirit of mutual respect. Dalai Lama said that Krishnamurti is one of the greatest thinkers of our Era. He also had discussions with physicist David Bohm. I have cited him as I told of my interest in quantum physics: there is a logical continuation from quantum physics to Krishnamurti - it's all about the nature of reality, and our status in it. This is an example how ideas come to me at the right time, in right order, to support my spiritual growth. I think even my experience at Lectorium Rosicrucianum, with Gnosticism, was valuable [For both, quantum physics and gnosticism, see my previous post, This I know in my Heart: My Experience of Gnosis]: there is some truth about their teachings, that is, we are influenced, we are lived, and we must change: become neutral, inwardly silent. But you don't need to belong to a group - rather I see it as an individual task, even lonely task - neither you need forced restrictions, nor all that unnecessary esoteric hogwash. Just listen to Krishnamurti; he is the purest embodiment of this mental state.
To stand alone is to be uncorrupted, innocent, free of all tradition, of dogma, of opinion, of what another says, and so on. Such a mind does not seek, because there is nothing to seek; being free, such a mind is completely still, without a want, without movement.
Jiddu Krishnamurti, Ojai 2nd public talk, 7th August 1955
Krishnamurti was asked what he thought about Buddha, and he answered he didn't: thought does not reach the realm of understanding. Allegedly he also said that nobody listened to Buddha, and that's why we have Buddhism. Naturally, same can be said of Jesus and Christianity. When a Buddhist scholar listed things Krishnamurti seemed to agree on with Buddha, Krishnamurti first asked why such a comparison. He did say, however, that Buddha had always appealed to him.
Just before reading the book, I was worried about my mental health: I felt I went so deep on the edge of desperation, minding the state of humanity today. It has been a long process. Most of all I have been bothered by the fact, that I am just like everyone else! I have strong opinions, I can easily take a side and get agitated by those I disagree with. Yet, people really don't have opinions of their own - we absorb everything from outside. I even questioned if I want to be part of the human race. I remember reading that according to early Christian Desert Fathers, to truly love mankind and pray for all one needs to take distance. That's why they retreated from the world. Similarly, I find it necessary to keep mental distance today: I no longer follow the News that much - they are often speculating about the worst case scenarios and causing pointless fear and worry. Likewise, it has become essential for me not to read internet forums or comments; then you will definitely lose hope about the future of mankind (and I don't mean no one should comment on my posts: I write about such a marginal stuff, it won't interest many, so apparently I don't attract attention of bullies either.)
Humanity has gone through devaluation, now that anyone can vomit the content of their mind for the eyes of others. Three poisons defined in Buddhism - attachment or greed, aversion or hatred, and ignorance - are just as relevant today as ever. [A good description of them is given here.]
When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
I have used a phrase, "I'm only human", as an excuse not to try. Now, thanks to Krishnamurti, it has become clear to me: Yes, it all starts with me, I must change! It won't start with states or companies, but with individuals. Even peace is attained only by striving for peace in one's own life. That is a message nobody likes to hear, because it demands so much from you - your whole life! It is not enough to protest, vote, recycle, go vegan... it is all external. The real change occurs within. Also, it is not about definitions of "good" and "evil", and following commands or precepts; that is only shifting the focus within old confines. It is about observing oneself, and becoming aware; that much I'm able to understand.
The man who wants to improve himself can never be aware, because improvement implies condemnation and the achievement of a result. Whereas in awareness there is observation without condemnation, without denial or acceptance.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
Since the beginning of my Buddhist practice in 2018, I have been praying in silent prayers of my daily Gongyo (which I have modeled after examples given by other independent practitioners online, usually ex-SGI members), "for the great aspiration of Buddha; peace for land generated by means of the purification of mind." It is gratifying to see clear evolution in your spiritual life: difficult matters ripen in your mind slowly but surely, and produce fruits of insight at some point. Sometimes they can be "self-evident", something you have read and known in theory, until they come to life to you in personal realization when you are ready.
To transform the world, we must begin with ourselves; and what is important in beginning with ourselves is the intention. The intention must be to understand ourselves and not to leave it to others to transform themselves or to bring about a modified change through revolution, either of the left or of the right. It is important to understand that this is our responsibility, yours and mine...
Jiddu Krishnamurti
Also only now I better understand Bodhisattva vows, that are part of my practice, as they are part of Nichiren Shu Gongyo. Like, "sentient beings are innumerable: I vow to save them all." What - I, all!? That is exactly one man's responsibility as part of the whole, just like you take part in all negativity along with the rest of mankind. I once heard that at least in the US at some schools of Buddhism, they have replaced that with a phrase, "I am with them": it is uninspiring, and undermines the whole statement. I may understand, that Westerners might easily be reminded of Christianity and Jesus, who alone saves all. "The way of the Buddha is unexcelled: I vow to attain the Path Sublime." [See "How to be a Bodhisattva" by Nichiren Shu UK.]
Sentient beings obviously include not only humans. I don't believe in Christian idea of man as a "crown of creation", who was given dominion over other species. We are one species among others. Even intellect hasn't been only beneficial for us, we have misused it a lot. I think animals who act according to their nature, are more purely what they are and closer to their original purpose. Man is the greatest reason for their suffering as well, therefore their liberation must begin by man.
As a Christian I used to say again and again to myself: neighborly love begins with yourself. Indeed. It is a paradox, that when the spiritual path takes you deeper and deeper within, it may seem self-centered. But when a man acknowledges one's own responsibility for the state of whole human race, their perception will enlarge inevitably. You are part of the problem, unless you're part of the solution. You can either go with a flow - highway to hell with the majority of mankind - or you can go to counter-current with the few who can see.
If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
I have known about Krishnamurti from 1990's, along with Theosophy. It seems that I already have everything I need: I just really need to realize it. Moments of anxiety and desperation always seem to precede the greatest realizations. There is nothing new to me, but sometimes I may lose inner resolution out of my sight, while worrying what is wrong with human race around me, human race I'm part of. I seem to be very disposed to influences, which often shows in negative ways, but in this case it is manifested through openness and receptivity as I listen to Krishnamurti. I feel I receive something, even if understanding was not reached right away.
When I understand myself, I understand you, and out of that understanding comes love. Love is the missing factor; there is a lack of affection, of warmth in relationship; and because we lack that love, that tenderness, that generosity, that mercy in relationship, we escape into mass action which produces further confusion, further misery. We fill our hearts with blueprints for world reform and do not look to that one resolving factor which is love.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
When I told my old friend about my interest in quantum physics, I was disappointed in his weak reaction. This time at least as enthusiastic about Krishnamurti as I was in quantum physics, I just noted with understanding that nothing in him resonated with this.
My own small insights along the way have pointed at the same direction, built me up bit by bit, and I feel that what Jiddu Krishnamurti is talking about, is the next logical step on spiritual evolution, that goes beyond all religions. It requires questioning all knowledge assumed until now. Even I'm still too attached to my Buddhism. I'm like a vessel filled with finest wines, but I'd rather go to fountain of fresh water springing up in me.
How can you think about something which you do not know? You may have read the Bible, the Bhagavad-Gita, or other books in which various erudite scholars have skillfully described what God is, asserting this and contradicting that; but as long as you do not know the process of your own thinking, what you think about God may be stupid and petty, and generally it is.
Below a documentary for DVD of Lucasfilm television series, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles (1992 - 1996). I used to watch it, and the only episode I can remember, was the one where young Indy met Krishnamurti; Leadbeater and Besant were portrayed as well. I was excited about Theosophy at that time, so it was very intriguing to me.
Jiddu Krishnamurti: The Reluctant Messiah [26:48]:
Last summer it became clear to me, that I want to include something communal or social in my life. It would surely do good for me. My "safe space" is with my husband: other people have started to feel intimidating. I felt anticipation as I decided this. It is a main thing that it is Buddhist; differences of schools don't matter, I was thinking.
Obviously there are many options in my home town, Tampere - like a branch of Finnish Sangha of Thich Nhat Hahn, which is interesting to me - but then I found meeting of rainbow sangha by buddhist centre of Triratna in Helsinki, especially aimed for LGBTQ-people, in September 2025. It was on Saturday, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Here was combined LGBTQ-issue and Buddhism... just like in my black gemstone prayer beads ("Juzu") there are two times six beads in rainbow colors of Pride flag [available in Lotus Lion Design webstore]. Naturally, I'm gay as a Buddhist, and my Buddhism includes my sexuality; they don't exclude one another. I have always been fascinated by Gay Buddhist Fellowship in San Francisco (I listen to their podcast). I have bemoaned there is nothing similar in Finland; you can obviously take part virtually in Zoom, but it is not the same thing. I'm not only fascinated by that gay-part, but also because GBF gathers Buddhist practitioners from different schools and doesn't form a school of its own.
My buddhist gemstone prayer beads, "Juzu"
Now this may be the closest thing in Finland. According to its own definition, Triratna is for modern Westerners, and independent of Buddhist schools. Centre in Finland is almost as old as I am (founded in 1973).
Founder of Triratna, Sangharakshita, was also a gay man. And a controversial figure, I know. Man is a sexual being, and fallible: I don't hold it against him, because he's not a "guru" to me. I have always liked his books; it carries more weight (one of them is about the Lotus Sutra, which is the supreme sacred text in Nichiren Buddhism that I practice). He did nothing illegal, even though misusing authority by seducing younger men is obviously unethical.
I don't accept cancel culture. I have always liked music of Marilyn Manson, and Sandman (both graphic novel and Netflix series) by Neil Gaiman. Once I listened to Finnish Buddhist podcast, as the hosts discussed how the teacher of their tradition got caught cheating his wife with prostitutes. I was only amazed at how hard it seemed to be for them to understand!
Case of Sangharakshita was discussed openly at the meeting in Helsinki, and I can't repeat it publicly because of confidentiality of occasion. But it is difficult for me to see what shortcomings of the deceased person have to do with the group gathering today, or how they would invalidate anything good that person has accomplished.
For rational and balanced view, see Robert M. Ellis, Sangharakshita: Time to Depolarize the Discussion. Robert M. Ellis has written a book, The Thought of Sangharakshita: A Critical Assessment (Equinox 2020). I haven't read it yet, but I'm going to. He says, his book is "the first ever attempt to put Sangharakshita's thinking in a balanced critical context." Furthermore, "I was able to attempt this task from a point of view that was sympathetic to some of Sangharakshita's most noble goals in bringing Buddhism and the West together, but also very critical of some of the mistakes he made in trying to fulfil those goals." Ellis talks about his book also in video podcast on YouTube.
Altar of Triratna Buddhist Centre in Helsinki
Anyway, back to the meeting. There were total of nine participants present, including the hosts. Except for them, everyone was new. There had been only one meeting before in spring 2025. We started with guided metta-meditation; it really made me feel present at the moment, and dispelled all wandering and nervous thoughts. We discussed. One topic was ethical precepts of Buddha, as formulated by Sangharakshita in positive form: Loving kindness; generosity; stillness, simplicity, and contentment; truthful communication; clear and radiant mindfulness. I understand they may be easier to adopt this way, "I want to train this quality in me", rather than "don't do this or that."
We had lunch and tea. Ended with meditation. Donation (dana) was desirable, but not mandatory. I was really happy I decided to go, and my foremost feeling was that I could go again. I asked my husband if he wants to go with me, but waking up early in the morning was too much for him, and I found that was absolutely fine: last time I had done anything like this on my own, was in 2022! It only confirms my understanding, that Buddhism is my thing, and it is good! My Christian phase identifies in my mind with a relationship with my deceased partner - it was "our thing".
A day in Helsinki was very full, so I cared to get up early and travel all the way (180 kilometers and 1,5 hours by train from Tampere). And it's not too often, although I missed the next meeting in January 2026, because it wasn't notified early enough beforehand. I would not go to Helsinki like every month or so. It is nice to visit there, but even nicer to get out. Train trip went very smoothly, as I watched Netflix on my phone. It was a short walk to Buddhist Centre from railway station - I was able to find my way back without navigator.
All in all, it was positive experience, and it deepened my own conviction as well. I was inspired to edit silent prayers of my Gongyo, especially taking refuge in the Three Jewels, so that they emphasize interpretation of Nichiren Buddhism, that of Nichiren Shu in particular. I just combined phrases in new order, keeping also Pali verses I have used since partaking of the virtual Refuge Ceremony in Zoom by Nichiren Shu Temple in Seattle USA, in 2020.
Buddham Saranam Gacchami. Honor be to the eternal Shakyamuni Buddha, our original teacher. I strive to manifest my inherent enlightenment.
Dhammam Saranam Gacchami. Honor be to the Sutra of the Lotus Flower of Wonderful Dharma. I actualize Buddha's wisdom, vast as the sea.
Sangham Saranam Gacchami. Honor be to the Great Bodhisattva, Nichiren Shonin, who formed the foundation for our Buddhism. As Bodhisattva of the earth, I show respect for all people as future Buddhas.
I think Sangha - Buddhist community - can be many things at the same time. Rainbow Sangha of Triratna is one thing, a concrete gathering of people. My experience of practice instituted by Nichiren, which connects me to this particular tradition, is another thing, and in its own way it is more powerful, even though I don't belong to any organization or go to any group practicing this tradition.
Sangharakshita has said (this is my translation from Finnish, since I don't have original text):
It is quite enough to choose such a method of spiritual practice, that suits our own needs, for instance, suitable meditation method. We don't need to belong to sectarian organization, which excludes all others. We don't need to be Theravadan, or Zen, or Mahayanist - we can be just Buddhist. Buddhism itself can be interpreted very widely. According to Buddha's own criteria, all that is Buddhism, which supports individual to become enlightened. Among religious teachers Buddha alone seems to understand that religion is actually a development process of an individual. Sectarian organizations lose this out of their sight, and in fact many of them express mainly negative feelings. We can manage much better without their discrimination and intolerance.
My own practice is the center of my spiritual life, and from the beginning I have decided to stay independent. Of course my practice makes me specifically a Nichiren Buddhist, but not exclusively! It is entirely up to me, after all.
I have been to spiritual LGBTQ-group before, but it was mostly composed of Christians, which is not surprising as we live in mostly Christian country. And last time I was there, we talked about LGBTQ-themed films and TV-shows.
However, I think it is good to practice together, in silence, and silent meditation can only unite Buddhists of different schools, as silence can unite people despite of religion. When I was a Christian, I led a spiritual LGBTQ-group for some time, and I tried to initiate a five minutes period of silence for starters, but it didn't get much appreciation. Of course it was wrong to force people to form, which was meaningful only for myself, but I still don't have understanding for those who can not be silent even for a moment.
Another book I may have to read someday, is My Buddha is Pink: Buddhism from a LGBTQI-Perspective by Richard Harrold (Sumeru Books). It is based on author's blog by the same name, still existing. He is practicing Theravada Buddhism, which is notable difference, because as far as I understand, it particularly emphasizes ethics and takes precepts quite literally. Therefore it doesn't speak to me. I have learnt Mahayana's take on precepts is flexible. Of course Nichiren Buddhism is very original in this respect too. Japanese Buddhism in general is another matter entirely. See English Summary of my other blog, about Nichiren Buddhism: I offer some links about five precepts I have found useful. See also my link list of webpages concerning Buddhism and LGBTQ-issue.
According to Finnish journalist Jussi Ahlroth, who has practiced Vajrayana for 20 years, a word Buddhism was introduced in Western world at the beginning of 19th Century; it was a Western way to bundle different traditions, that are related to Buddha and Buddha's teachings. While Christianity is about the truth, Buddhism is about the method. And methods of various Buddhist schools may be seriously conflicted, because instructions and methods how to see things and how to practice Buddhism, may be totally contrary. Ultimately, emptiness and indivisibility are true in Buddhism.
My Christian friend once asked me if I believe Buddha is still present as a spiritual being. That was to me just as irrelevant question as if I believe in god. It tells a lot about him and how far our thoughts are from one another. I'm not looking for Buddha outside of myself. Through his teachings historical Buddha is present as well, and thus "eternal".
However, I found a quote that says it very well as to god:
Buddhism is often regarded as "atheistic", but such a term only makes sense in an overtly theistic context when we know what it is we are supposed to deny. Nor are any other endless western "isms" which surround interpretations of Buddhism any more successful.
This quote is from Michael Barnes, who is a professor of interreligious relations, and a Jesuit. So, coming from a Christian scholar, I think it is right to the point.
I have read that tantric influences are found in many Mahayana-schools of Japanese Buddhism, although there is only one completely tantric school in Japan: Shingon. Nichiren Buddhism was mentioned as one example. There are tantric elements in Nichiren Buddhism, for instance, an idea that enlightenment is possible during one lifetime. And Buddhist Tantra or Vajrayana starts from direct identification with Buddha Nature, which already exists within, instead of slow and gradual development path of ethicalness and morality. Sounds very familiar to me.
I have been thinking... if that what I know about Buddhism, and what I like about it, is Buddhism interpreted by Westerners for Westerners, there's nothing wrong with that! It rises from Buddhism, Buddhism inspires those interpretations too. Then it is living - not some rigid doctrine, that can be applied stiffly in one way only. I am a Westerner, who practices Japanese Buddhism, and that bears a unique characteristic.
We are very much afraid of the word magic, it has a bad name, for its meaning has degenerated and it has a purely superstitious sound in our ears. But magical was originally simply psychical, the ancients did not know of the existence of the psyche, so not being able to call anything psychic they used the word magic. ~Carl Jung, ETH Lecture XI, 3Feb1939, Page 71.
Magic is the working of men on men, but your magic action does not affect your neighbor; it affects you first, and only if you withstand it does an invisible effect pass from you to your neighbor. ~Carl Jung, The Red Book, Page 308.
The ancients devised magic to compel fate. They needed it to determine outer fate. We need it to determine inner fate and to find the way that we are unable to conceive.~Carl Jung, The Red Book, Page 311.
In this post I would like to discuss something I have been doing for years, even before I became a Buddhist, and increasingly in past two years: magic (or magick, if you wish). Or should I say, magic as I see it; I don't claim to be an expert of any sort, with a lot of literary knowledge on subject: I am more of a doer. And as one might argue, that applies to my Buddhist practice as well. Precisely, I practice, everyday. I should read more... after all, study is one of the three basic elements of Nichiren Buddhism - faith, practice, and study.
However, I know enough to quote so called experts. Aleister Crowley formulated his definition of magic as "the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity with will." And, "every intentional act is a magical act." He also said: "Magic is real. And reality... it is magical."
I readily admit I'm inclined towards magical thinking, and I see nothing wrong with that; It makes life much more meaningful and fascinating, when you are able to see it this way: miraculous! I have often witnessed small occurrences, that strengthened my faith and trust also in bigger circumstances: everything is alright. Your spirituality is weighed in mundane. (Jung came up with a concept of Synchronicity, a meaningful coincidence.)
Of course the downside of magical thinking would be superstitious fear of the unknown, but I leave that for Christians. When I was a child I feared the dark, because of what might lurk in there; Now that I'm grown up, darkness is a friend who protectively covers me under her velvety cloak (I should write a poem!).
Also as a child, I remember how I used to see the shapes of people and animals in foliage of treetops against the sky. I can't see them anymore. I have been told I was not the only one. Jesus told us to become as little children to be able to enter into the kingdom of heaven. Children enjoy the world as it is with all their senses, without knowing of "evil" and "sin", and they still live in heaven here and now. So, I think "heaven" is a realm of creativity and imagination, and being like children is to surrender to this play in earnest, but not too seriously. As a child I used to create enormous imaginary worlds, and oh, how devotedly I prepared to play, before I even started! In latter age I realized it was related to my religious life: The same play was continued, just in the name of religion this time, the Holy Play, so to speak, and rituals and symbols were the language of that state of being, language of the subconscious mind. (I have a feeling I have used almost these exact words before, but I couldn't find where, and it doesn't matter; They still fit in here perfectly.)
Wikipedia article on Magic and religion, states:"Religion and magic became conceptually separated in the West where the distinction arose between supernatural events sanctioned by approved religious doctrine versus magic rooted in other religious sources. With the rise of Christianity this became characterized with the contrast between divinemiracles versus folk religion, superstition, or occult speculation."
Modern study has questioned this contrast, and magic is rather seen as one of many forms of religious practice. Yes, we all know the bible reads, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live", among other things. Personally, I don't give a f**k. Nevertheless, what the bible says, it is full of descriptions of magical acts, and obviously in positive light when they are performed by the followers of Hebrew god. It's just not very interesting to me, as Non-Christian. I only see ignorance and hypocrisy of Christians. You don't see in your religion what you see in others. Yet, it is undeniably there. Just like bible is full of astrological stuff, no matter how "clearly" it seems to be forbidden. Besides, there are nowadays even Christo-pagans. And by the way, The Eucharist is a magical ritual throughout; see Stephan A. Hoeller, The Gnosis of the Eucharist.
John Myrdhin Reynolds, aka Vajranatha, writes about historical explanations of magic:
In ancient times among the Egyptians, Babylonians, and Greeks, and in medieval times until after the Renaissance, magic was explained in terms of the organic model of reality and the world. In this model, every thing and every event is connected with each other in terms of sympathies and correspondences. Magic was taken as an objective reality. But with the rise of modern science in the 17th century, these old explanations of how magic works no longer sufficed in the face of a clock-like mechanistic universe. So, in the next two centuries magic came to be explained in terms of energies, including subtle or occult energy which could not be detected by machines. However such energies may be experienced by our bodies and by our minds, which are far more sensitive instruments than any machine. At the beginning of the last century, with the influence of Freud and Jung, a psychological dimension was added to the explanations of magic, with psychic energy becoming the libido and the old gods and spirits being seen as psychological archetypes, or even projections. Quantum physics has moved beyond the old assumptions of earlier 19th century physics and the role of the subject or observer in the occurence of every event has come to be recognized.
So, what about Buddhism? In his lecture, "Magic, healing and ethics in Tibetan Buddhism", Sam van Schaik says: "When I use the term ‘Buddhist magic’ I mean rituals entirely performed for thiswordly ends, in which the ultimate aim of Buddhism - awakening - is only indirectly
present in the practice, if at all. When buddhas and bodhisattvas appear in these
practices, their role as saviour or exemplar of enlightenment is not forefronted, and
their purpose is only to guarantee the effects of the magic spell. And ‘magic’ overlaps
with ‘medicine’ in that specific remedies are prescribed for specific problems."
Author Trevor Corson writes about the magic of Buddhism, and he refers to important figure in history of Japanese Buddhism, who is fairly unknown in the West: a priest named Kukai, who founded Shingon sect, or "True Word" School, much older than better known Zen, and even today Shingon claims as many adherents in Japan as Zen. According to legend, Kukai is also a person attributed to introduce male same-sex love into Japan, which obviously isn't true: it has always been everywhere. Interesting story anyway, and a legend affirmed these relations in 17th century Japan.
Shingon is part of Vajrayana, Tantric Buddhism or esoteric Buddhism, just like Tibetan Buddhism: "emphasizing not quiet meditation but mystical magic"... "magical technologies for influencing the world—not for escaping from it"...
Consciously and intentionally I rely on magic when I'm on the threshold: something needs to be left behind, and something new to be born. The most obvious time for this is the New Year's night. That is my oldest and consistently cyclic magical practice. When I became a Buddhist, I briefly considered abandoning my old habits, but it became clear to me that there was an inner need for that: It is the main point that your tradition feels vivid, and you don't do it just because you're accustomed to. On New Year's night the "energy" - for lack of a better word - can be very strong, as if all the wishes and good intentions of human race formed a kind of collective cloud you can draw from, and channel for your purpose. Like magic is vibrating all around in the air. New Year to me is the most important holiday. Ideally it includes both secular and sacred activities to an appropriate extent: you mustn't forget Champagne!
Today I just more blatantly embrace the fact that I do magic as well. As I see it, it is more like a "hobby" or something, that operates on the surface of reality, where the opposites appear; Whereas Buddhism to me is a profound conviction, reaching deeper levels of existence, where All is One. Opposition and separation are just the face of things; on a deeper level everything is interconnected. As I have said before, my philosophy seamlessly encloses a religion I practice, but it's not emptied by it, and my spirituality consists of manifold aspects, since man is manifold creature. You might be surprised that I consider myself very down-to-earth and critical. So, in case you wonder if I actually believe in all this, that's a tough one. I never claim, "This is the Truth". Some ideas are like useful tools. And if needed, you can trade them. In Buddhism, the word "faith" translated from the Pali language, is saddha (shraddha in Sanskrit), literally meaning "to place the heart upon". It is not blind belief or submission to the authority. One needs trust or confidence in their practice and their own potential.
My spiritual "idol" today is not some Guru on a pedestal, but a fellow practitioner (of different tradition) much like myself; I can relate to many things she's gone through on her own path: Zeena Schreck. For over twenty years she has been a Vajrayana Buddhist, but as her website also says: "Zeena incorporates into her personal practices and teachings decades long study, practice and personal gnosis of Gnostic Sethian theurgy traditions, stemming from the ancient worship and primordial magical practices of the Egyptian deity Seth." But it is strongly stressed that "Zeena has... received instruction from her heart Lama Ayang Rinpoche on how to properly practice both Buddhism and Sethian theurgy without contradicting her Buddhist vows. This is applied in the same manner as with Buddhist practitioners who originally are of other religions, such as Christian or Hindu, who still maintain aspects of their original faiths at the same time as recognizing those faiths are not the true route to Liberation, Enlightenment and Omniscience as taught by the Buddha Shakyamuni. It should therefore be understood, that in no way does Zeena conflate her Sethian practices and teachings... with the Buddhist ones. Nor does she blend them together as many occultists, secular humanist, atheists, academics, and religious zealots of all persuasions, wrongly assume."
Even as an independent practitioner of Nichiren Buddhism, my practice is still formal and traditional. My magic, however, is the way to express my creativity. I find it more meaningful to form your own rituals, not to adopt what others have done, even though you may borrow some things. That is to say, it is personal. I find something similar in Chaos Magic. My magic is also Elemental Magic, because the four elements of fire, water, earth, and air have always been important to me.
My drawing 1992
I usually don't use spiritual entities, gods or whatever, because it feels a little forced to me. In my 20's I was interested in Wicca, years before I became Christian, and in early 1990's there was no internet and not much information available. I expressed my interest in artistic manner. Later when I was deeper in a box of Christianity, I couldn't quite grasp the idea of worshiping old pagan gods - how could anyone actually still believe in them? I could not see that belief in godhead of Christianity was essentially and equally "strange". When I was freed from Christianity through Luciferianism, which was close to Neopaganism, I truly realized how you can believe in other gods - or at least work with their energies. Gods or demons, as well as many buddhas and bodhisattvas, are all aspects of oneself.
On this video below, "Does Prayer actually work?", Morgue gives some good points to consider. According to him, prayer is a weak form of magic. Why weak? Because it transfers the power away from you - you give it to god, spirit, godhead. You project your power on something outside. Under the will of that godhead, you have bound yourself. There is no metaphysical force out there, Morgue argues, godhead exists in your mind, and your mind is powerful and makes things happen. Magic, on the other hand, emphasizes the willpower of a practitioner: If you work with the spirit, you don't beg, you command! You are a magician in the middle of circle, and everything revolves around you. You represent the central point of the universe in microcosm. Spirits don't really exist, they are aspects of your own consciousness. You are balancing your psyche, as advanced magician knows. The more complex the spell, the more it works your unconscious mind (like, if you write something down once, you may forget it; if you write it hundred times, you will more likely remember). The spell in itself won't do anything, it activates unconscious effort in your mind, and nothing impossible can occur. It is like placebo, often underrated, but its effect is real, and science can not fully explain it. Magic is transforming yourself, and through that you impact on others and change the world. That's a brief summary of video.
In some Buddhist traditions, "prayer plays only an ancillary role" (Wikipedia); "It is largely a ritual expression of wishes for success in the practice and in helping all beings." Especially Soka Gakkai International seemingly likes to use a word prayer, which I think may be a little misleading in Buddhist context, as it easily conjures up a Christian idea. A word meditation could be used instead. Corresponding Finnish Wikipedia article says that the style of prayer in Nichiren Buddhism, when you recite the verses of the Lotus Sutra, is close to Western idea of prayer, but as it is added: Praying here can be understood as a process of deepening self-knowledge, which enables one to evolve as a human being.
Sometimes it seems that in SGI people try to gain benefits by chanting, to achieve their goals in material world. Some people even refer to manifestation and the laws of attraction in this context, which is far-fetched and alien to me, and I don't mean to deny the conception altogether, it's just not Buddhism; mantra is not a magical formula. Even as a Christian, I didn't want to pray for some specific outcome or a concrete goal to be fulfilled, because it seemed too egoistic to me. And that is exactly what many Christians do. Yes, Jesus said, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." (John 14:14 NIV), but it needs to be put into perspective with his other words: "Your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matthew 6:8 NIV), and "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" (Luke 11:13 NIV) Holy Spirit, Bread of Life, spiritual sustenance... Our Daily Bread in The Lord's Prayer. This is universal perspective. Spiritual development, enlightenment, is our primary goal. Every possible good attainment in life is a spin-off beside that.
Only now in 2024 I found out about ancient Egyptian concept called Heka, and I think it is fascinating! Never before have I even heard about this, which is odd since I consider myself very educated on these matters, and instantly I was attracted to this idea, as sometimes may happen to me. I put the links at the bottom, but first I try to gather some main points together...
Heka was the deification of magic and medicine in ancient Egypt. The name is the Egyptian word for "magic", and literally translates as "using the ka", also explained as "the first work".
"Heka". Papyrus scroll on the right is a symbol of an abstract concept
Its hieroglyphic spelling includes the symbol for the word ka, the Egyptian concept of the vital force. The word written in hieroglyphs consists of a twisted rope (h) - or a twist of flax, thought to resemble two snakes - and two parallel arms pointing up (ka). When a seated god is added, the text is referring to the god with the same name, who embodies the concept of heka. Magic empowered all the gods and Heka was also a god of power whose name was tied to this meaning. Originally his name may have meant "he who consecrates the ka" and he is called "Lord of the Kas" in the coffin texts. Ka was also an aspect of a person's or god's soul. Therefore Heka was originally the deity who watched over one's soul, gave one's soul power, energy, and allowed it to be elevated in death to the afterlife.
God Heka
Ḥeka preceded all other Egyptian deities, and is probably the most important god in Egyptian mythology, among the oldest gods of Egypt, regarded as the power behind the gods, but often overlooked because his presence was so pervasive as to make him almost invisible. Magic enabled a personal relationship with the gods which linked the individual to the divine. In this way, Heka can be seen as the underlying form of spirituality in ancient Egypt regardless of the era or the gods most popular at any time. In the coffin texts Heka speaks: "To me belonged the universe before you gods came into being. You have come afterwards because I am Heka". He was the protector and sustainer of humanity and of the gods they worshiped as well as the world and universe in which all lived.
He is sometimes seen in Egyptian art in the boat of the sun along with other personified elements, namely Sia (perception or insight) and Hu (creative utterance, authoritative speech). To human beings, he finds expression in the heart and the tongue, represented by gods Sia and Hu. Heka was the power which infused both. He was linked to the creative aspects of the heart and the tongue. The heart was considered the seat of one's individual personality, thought, and feeling, while the tongue gave expression to these aspects.In the same way that Heka, Sia, and Hu enabled the gods to first create the world, they allowed human beings to think, feel, and express themselves.
According to myth, the god Heka fought and overcame two serpents. These serpents then became part of Heka's symbol, symbolic of his power, with two snakes above the head. He is connected with the caduceus (a winged staff with two serpents wrapped around it), now a symbol associated with medicine. He was generally depicted carrying a magic staff and a knife, the tools of a healer, as a man in royal dress wearing the regal curved beard of the gods. Heka had no formal ritual worship, no cult following, and no temples (except in the late period of ancient Egypt, 525 - 323 BCE).
The concept of Heka lacks clear boundaries between ancient Egyptian magic, religion, and medicine. Heka was not limited to active rituals but it was a power that permeated life. Practitioners of magic were often temple priests, and magic was neither positive nor negative; it was a cosmic force that could be used to destroy or to protect, a natural force that could be harnessed and manipulated by deity or man for either harm or protection. Egyptian physicians called themselves "priests of Heka".
According to texts, Heka existed before duality had yet come into being, without parents, without origin. In origin stories, the creator god, Atum, uses heka to make the world. Every aspect of the universe is made of heka. It has been likened to an “all pervading coercive power—comparable to the laws of nature in its coerciveness and all pervadingness—by which in the beginning the world was made, by which it is daily maintained and by which mankind is ruled.” (Jan Assman, Magic and Theology in Ancient Egypt) It is a force that created and propelled the universe, but could also be manipulated by the actions, words, objects and images to bring about a desired result.
Odgen Goelet (Ph.D. in ancient Egyptian history) explains:
Heka magic is many things, but, above all, it has a close association with speech and the power of the word. In the realm of Egyptian magic, actions did not necessarily speak louder than words – they were often one and the same thing. Thought, deed, image, and power are theoretically united in the concept of Heka.
The Greek and Roman Stoics would later write of the Logos and the Neo-Platonists of the Nous - a force which flowed through and bound all things together but was, at the same time, distinct from creation and eternal - and so Heka lived on under these different names. The influence of the Neo-Platonists on the development of religious beliefs is well established, and so Heka continued as he always did; the invisible force behind the visible gods.
Maybe you wonder why I use so much space for this ancient Egyptian concept. I don't know if you are able to understand what I try to say... I don't need explanations to satisfy my reason, I receive inspiration, like at the magnificent piece of Art. Although I'm sure different mind (absolute and literal, that is) would overanalyze that too. I rather let it speak to me. Yet at the same time I'm skeptical about many things that don't make sense to me; It is a paradox of spirituality. Ancient Egyptian religion is no longer a living tradition, but Western Occultism and Esoterism often claim to trace their origin back to Ancient Egypt. So why not take an advantage of it.
Reiki
This concept of Heka reminds me of Chinese Qi, or Ki as in Reiki, which I often use combined with my practice of magic. See, for example, Christopher Penczak's article, Using Reiki Magick. He is a witch, and he has also written a book about this subject. I have heard modern witches say that their witchcraft is energy work. I have described my life in recent years as being in the flow of Life, or tuned in to the rhythm of the Universe, and Buddhist chanting is helping me to keep my focus. I think it is fundamentally the same thing.
In New Year I write a list of things I wish to let go (and nowadays also a list of things I'm grateful for, just for the balance). I have a bowl of water, and stones. Going through the list, I pick up a stone with every item, take a deep breath and squeeze the stone in my fist, then drop it in the water and exhale. Finally I burn the list. This simple exercise has proven very effective in releasing negative emotions, especially quilt, like when my partner died, and I thought about everything I had done or hadn't done or said. Although in normal circumstances I no longer find many things I would regret: Along with my Christianity I gave up my quilt.
Still every New Year I have done an online Tarot reading - a reminder from the 1990's, when I was very much into New Age. Nowadays it's more like an entertainment. This year my husband actually wanted to buy physical Tarot cards, so next time I will use them. But this is the free site I can recommend: Facade.
Likewise, I write down my goal for the next year, and close it in the envelope and seal it. It is precisely the point that I will forget it, but hopefully it is imprinted on my subconscious mind. The most exciting example of what might happen is this: In the end of 2015 when my partner had just died, I had written that "I am open for Love". I didn't remember that as I opened the envelope in the end of 2016, and it just happened that I had met my husband and fell in love with him! And I can assure you it is not something that happens to me all the time! Another goal actualized was permanent employment. Things don't just happen by themselves, it is I opening up for opportunity - that needs to be emphasized.
My Baphomet candle
Last New Year I lit for the first time a candle I consecrated for magical purposes. I burn it whenever I'm doing magic (which is not often!). There is a figure of Baphomet depicted on a candle, or the "Sabbatic Goat", drawn by the French occultist Eliphas Levi in the 19th Century. It is said to symbolize dualism. I chose this candle for the sympathy towards The Satanic Temple, which uses this image as their symbol. TST was only just founded when I entered my Luciferian period (see my post, "My visit on the 'dark side'"); If I had known of their kind of interpretation of Satanism, more positive than that of the Church of Satan (or so it seems to me), who knows... But on the other hand, I came from Esoteric Christianity, so obviously I still needed esoterism. Years later I believe less and less, and yet I have one difference of opinion with TST, more aligned with beliefs of Church of Satan, and that is a position on magic.
My ritual dagger
When I was Luciferian, I considered buying a ritual dagger, but never did. Now, ten years later, I actually did buy a dagger! These two items are my most important magical tools: As candle is a symbol of wisdom or illumination to me, so is dagger a symbol of power. I use my power in the light of wisdom.
Last year I had enough of my increasing negative emotions towards my late partner (see "New Revelations"). They made me question the whole relationship of nearly 19 years, and threatened to poison the significance of his death, as I once experienced it (see "Through Death to Love"). Suddenly I had a dream I frequently had during the first year after his passing: I was with him, and all I could think about was how to tell him I don't want to be with him, because I have someone else. This time I felt distressed, and I was relieved when I woke up; A dream had become a nightmare. It was the last straw.
So I decided to begin a "magical process", as I called it. All in all, it took about four months. I "purified" my life with him using Reiki, one year at a time for one week, 15 minutes every night. I slowly burned out the candle our mutual friend - and still a friend for me and my current husband - gifted for X-mas 2015, after my partner had died, and I preserved it as a token of memory until now.
Just like I used to talk to my partner every night for three months after his passing, now I wrote a letter, highlighting the fact that then I felt he was still close to me, now he's distant both emotionally and temporally. Finally, I burned the letter, as you may have already guessed. I made a minor "pilgrimage/retreat" on a place of our engagement ritual, in the forest by the lake. Just sitting on a rock, watching the lake, listening to the waves. For long time after his death I felt an urge to visit there once a year, and it is relatively hard to get there, and a long way. Now that urge seems to be gone. Needless to say, my magical process was a success! It came to an end, and is never to be revisited. Here I only gave a few outlines, not the whole procedure.
Place of our engagement ritual in 1999, after two years together; Rock in the middle was an altar, and the four elements witnessed. Ashes of our four beloved cats have been buried there, along with a tuft of my late partner's hair
Last summer I established a new similar and yet very different "sacred place" for myself alone. It is a large rock by the bank of nearby pond. Located at a nature conservation area, just next to the jogging path. It is very close to my home and easily accessible. I go there around midnight (hence I can't take a picture), when it is really quiet and peaceful. I may even lie down on a rock, staring at the starry sky. When I arrive, I draw the power symbol of Reiki with my finger on the rock; When I leave, I chant Daimoku (Namu Myoho Renge Kyo) three times. I have also started to hug trees, as I did in the 1990's (first asking for permission, and thanking afterwards): it is like meeting old friends - they are living beings after all ("Trees are poems that the earth writes upon the sky..." - Kahlil Gibran).
Only later I realized it is grounding or earthing what I'm doing, and what I really needed. It is refreshing. That's where the magic comes from: It's a natural force. That's why I associate my magic with paganism. In terms of Divinity, it is surely present in nature. I like to call it simply Life or Universe; Both we can observe and understand, they are around us, and we are also part of them. Yet much more is veiled in mystery, and still beyond human comprehension. We are in this body, in this world, for a reason. We are where we're meant to be. And it is good. It's just life as it is.
This Fall it became necessary to perform a magical ritual for my troubled relationship with an old friend (see "Beyond Words"). It's been going on for years, and I'm really tired of that drama for good, even though my distress is very real, not overstated at all! Again, I don't go to details, but first I showered (purified from negativity), I remained nude (honest and real). I wrote a rhyming spell (rhyming, to make a conscious effort) on a pink paper, and lit a pink candle. I made a list of his good qualities. I had an old photograph of him (from 1999 when we had just met. On the back of photo, I have written: "My kindred spirit". That's how I saw him back then), and a mirror to reflect myself. After ritual, I fully understood it is true what I have suspected: I do project myself on him, everything I have left behind, or don't want to see in myself; everything I hate about myself. Like, I've got this obsessive idea that I'm mentally strong, I have to be strong, and I can survive anything, on my own. (Even though I have a reverse experience as well!) I see weakness in him, and I hate it.
I also drew a picture I have been planning for years, thinking about us: Buddha and Jesus, just two human beings without halos, commonly drinking tea together, as friends. There is a white rose, a symbol of our small spiritual gathering long time ago, but also a white lotus, as in the Lotus Sutra: Spiritual symbols of both West and East. And a phrase in Latin: "Vacate et Scire" - "be still and know"... as in the Psalm 46:10, but "vacate" can be translated, "Be free"; "Empty yourself"; "Make space"... and know - making its meaning even deeper. A reference to silent meditation, as I see it. This picture is like the abstract of this particular magical act.
Our first meeting after this ritual was promising: I was able to be more straightforward than before. I even suggested that next time we should quietly just sit and meditate together for starters, and we already settled a date. Something I have been thinking for a long time. I gave him my drawing: In a way, I poured myself into it, so let it work its own magic; He can form his own opinion, and next time I can tell him what I was thinking as I drew it.
Even now he managed to get me annoyed - which I was able to say out loud right away. This was not the first time. He repeatedly says that he doesn't care about religions - unlike I see him - yet he always refers to Christianity, and how something spiritual is truly "Christian" when he likes it (he once traveled to Egypt, and told that moral behavior of some Muslim women was in fact "Christian"). His use of a word makes it meaningless. When he tells about his spiritual journey, and how he has experienced what is true, they are the truths of Christian religion he's talking about. As I see it, it doesn't leave much space for other religions and different truths, for he knows the truth - not a fragment of it, like the rest of us mortals, but the whole truth - and it is superior. It seems pointless to try to explain that I have my own spiritual journey, and I have experienced many things too.
It is okay to say, "this is my journey, this is my truth"; it is not okay to say, "this is the truth, and I know it." Or else you lack a sense of proportion, and are just a dick, like each and every Christian (well, maybe not everyone). It's not far from saying, "God told me so; Repent, you unbeliever!" He makes a distinction between himself and "ordinary believers", as he calls them, but some minor specifics (like Reincarnation) don't make him more than just another believer in my eyes. Seems to me he can't distinguish plain spiritual experience from his own interpretation of it, based on his belief system. (Absolute and literal mind, as mentioned before: It's all either black or white.)
That's my impression anyway. Is it just my misinterpretation, or maybe he's expressing his thoughts poorly... or maybe I see arrogance because I'm arrogant? Or maybe he is. My thoughts about him may often be disparaging, so is it wonder if that's what I expect from him too? I can't really ask for respect, unless I show respect. He is not a problem, I have a problem. It's all about my thoughts and my feelings... And perhaps part of a problem is that I don't really know his thoughts and feelings. One time earlier, I opened my heart, and I was so relieved, but he didn't say much. Anyway, magic is primarily affecting me, and through me indirectly on him. I can feel it. Even I don't know what I unleashed.
I don't think it was religion that united us in the first place. For over ten years as an active member of The Christian Community, I never made friends with anyone else. Rather I think it was mutual likeness we both recognized: Two broken souls attracted one another. And that likeness was what I had enough. In spiritual groups I always felt like I'm playing a role. A single common ideal doesn't unite people very well. Today I have stopped pretending to be something I'm not. The fact that I see how far I am from my ideal, paradoxically proves me I'm on the right track. Enlightenment is increasing self-knowledge, by small insights: Not a sudden, undisputed mystical experience, that changes everything all at once.
The spell I cast, has two possible end results, because I don't know what I want, or what is best for us: Either it will heal our relationship, or it will help to let go. You can not fix what is not broken. We don't have very much in common anymore. It is only natural that people change, and their relationships change accordingly. Sometimes people grow apart. It doesn't concern only lovers. There is no forever on earth. The fact that I only have few friends, and he's the second oldest one, may not be reason enough to cling to relationship, if it's not working. I used to have a friend - straight male - from school, who was important to me growing up. When I had my "spiritual awakening" in my 20's, we started to drift apart (or I did), because suddenly that was my whole life, and all I wanted to talk about, and it was like invisible wall between us. I was a drama queen and ended our friendship with a letter. Two years later he approached to me again, and I learnt I made him depressed and suicidal! That was a shock. I didn't think I could matter that much for him. I only thought about myself obviously. We renewed our friendship, and spent wonderful summer together. Soon after that our relationship started to weaken naturally, since I moved away, and also he was the only person in my life who reacted badly when I came out to him. Nowadays he is just another name among my Facebook friends. Then I met this other guy, also a straight male, and the tables have turned: Today he would like to talk about spirituality, I don't.
Perhaps my goal for the next year should be making a new friend? In my case that really requires magic!
