Thank You For The Music

 Since it is the high point of the year this weekend, Eurovision Song Contest 2023, in Liverpool, UK, I decided to make more lighthearted post this time. I have been planning for this for long time, and ESC just gave me a good reason to actualize it now. I will post this after we will know the results, and finish the last details. 

Here I'm going to take a look at musical influences in my life. My taste is very broad, from some classical music to metal, from electric pop to rock. I don't care what genre it is, I just know if I like it, and I'm proud that at my age I'm not stuck with nostalgia: I still always try to find something new. I try to keep this short, and only focus on the most essential, so remember it's a small proportion of wide variety. You can check my YouTube Channel (see the sidebar), and my playlists for more.

So, as a child my first musical interest was Elvis Presley. I'm almost ashamed to admit that, but I didn't know anything yet. But soon, as a teen of the 1980's, I became a fan of Hanoi Rocks - Finland's first international success story. They never quite made it, because at the critical moment their drummer died in car crash on tour in the USA 1984, in a car driven by Vince Neil of Motley Crue. But they still had a huge influence on other bands of an era, and gathered a cult following. Their singer, Michael Monroe, has continued on successful international solo career, and last year he celebrated his 60th birthday with huge concert in Helsinki, where original line up of Hanoi Rocks also performed. People came to see it from abroad too. To be honest, I don't really listen to his music nowadays, but as 53 years old myself, I find him very inspiring person: He can still ROCK, and he has always dared to be himself! (And still  looks amazing!) He is the living legend, and very much liked in Finland. Following sample I chose from their 1983 album, "Back to Mystery City": 

Hanoi Rocks: "Until I get you" live 1983 

Michael Monroe 60th Birthday Bash 23.9.2022: Hanoi Rocks - Tragedy

This year we got the new release of the second studio album of Hanoi Rocks, Oriental Beat - 40th Anniversary The Re(al)mix. (See Wikipedia: Oriental Beat)

Update 13.6.23: I just have to add this global news few days ago; Michael finally met Vince Neil on June 2023 at festival in Finland, and he himself wrote: "One of the most important moments of my life was meeting Vince Neil for the first time last night. Razzle [Nicholas "Razzle" Dingley] always wanted us to meet as he thought 'us singers' were a lot alike. Under different circumstances both bands probably would've ended up as good friends, but fate had other plans... Thank you for your time, Vince. We didn't say much but your eyes told me more than 1000 words ever could. And your singing was great at the show. Nice to finally see you guys live!" - That's Michael, that's the sort of guy he is! 

Vince Neil and Michael Monroe

Of course in 1980's I listened to all sorts of music, including international top artists and bands, like Duran Duran, Culture Club, Eurythmics... (God, I'm old! 😄) Music, along with some movies and Tv-shows, was the bright side of that era to me; in other aspects my life was very depressing. 

Also, I remember first time watching Eurovision Song Contest in the 1980's, but it was quite different back then: so rigid and boring. Although, I don't think there is any doubt that ABBA is the most successful winner of the contest ever, and that was already in the 70's! (Title of this post is a name of one of their songs, you know.)

I didn't watch it every year. Nowadays it is THE ULTIMATE QUEER SHOW! (Or "Gay Paralympics", as someone said.) Live performance, costumes, dancers, lights, pyro... all that is important as well. It is so unpredictable: sometimes the winner is very artsy (and I don't really like that kind), sometimes it is more campy, and everything in between. That's diversity! You never know what people will like this year. It's never "the same old". Juries in each country give their points first in Grand Final, but public vote often changes everything. I have been watching ESC regularly only after I met my husband in 2016, because he is a big fan! 

For a while in the 1990's, when I had my "spiritual awakening", so to speak, I listened to a lot of New Age music, but soon there was a short period when I only listened to classical music, and that was because I was a member of cult, and they said popular music is bad for you ("rock is satanic", and all that shit... but New Age music was considered bad as well).

When I had to bury my late partner, and later my mother, it was my wish that at both funerals they played Albinoni's Adagio in G minor (which in fact was not composed by Albinoni) for opening, and J.S. Bach's "Jesu, Joy of man's desiring" BMW 147 for closing. First, melancholic tunes in the beginning, and then almost hopeful tone in the end. That's life. 

When I started to listen to pop and rock in the 1990's again, after meeting my late partner, and leaving that cult, there was a lot of excellent music on that decade, as we all know. The one song that summarizes all that, is the world wide hit from Finland, Sandstorm by Darude. Not long ago I visited with my husband, who was born in 1991, a museum exhibition of the 1990's, and this was the song they played there:

Darude: Sandstorm (1999)

In 2001, Finnish world-famous rock band, The Rasmus, published their album Into, and I was very much into it. I saw them live many times. However, the next album didn't impress me that much, they changed their style to darker, and my enthusiasm faded. Last year they represented Finland in ESC, but didn't reach very high. 

The Rasmus: F-F-F-Falling (2001)

And then the moment came when Finland finally won ESC in 2006, with monster band Lordi and their song, "Hard Rock Hallelujah": certainly one of the most memorable acts in the history of ESC until this day: 

Lordi: Hard Rock Hallelujah at ESC 2006

In 2019 Hatari represented Iceland with their song, Hatrid mun sigra ("hate will prevail"), and suddenly I became a FAN. You can like many kinds of music, but being a true fan is rare, to me anyway; I would say it's almost like a religious experience. I saw them on gig in Helsinki that same year, and again after Covid in 2022. On March 2023 we were told that band's screamer, Matthias, is leaving. It was very sad news. How could they continue without him? I made a poster of one photo taken in Helsinki in remembrance. My unpopular opinion, which I haven't dared to put into words before this, is that I could sense on October 2022 that something was different: They performed very well, and quality of the sound was much better than the last time, but some chemistry, vibe, energy... whatever... that I felt in 2019 was lacking. They already knew about Matthias, and he soon told in interview that he didn't enjoy performing anymore. 

This is the picture I made a poster of: Klemens
and Matthias (Einar in drums in the background)
performing "Soda Ritual".

I just loved the fact that they sing in their native tongue! See: Hatari translations. They don't have a single song I wouldn't like. 

Hatari: Hatrid mun sigra at ESC 2019

Amazingly enough, ESC 2023 introduced me a new band I immediately started to follow: Lord of the Lost from Germany! They already have a long history and many albums. I have been aware of them, but never payed attention. This is the power of ESC! Yes, I can say I am a fan now: Can't wait to see them live! Hatari and Lord of the Lost are very different, but there is one common word to describe their music, and that is "industrial", whatever that means... 

Lord of the Lost: Blood & Glitter

This year at ESC the international hype around Finland's Käärijä has been massive. Even in my hometown they lighted the centre with green lights in support of him. I personally remained quite neutral. It's one song. Who had heard of Käärijä even in Finland before this? Of course I sincerely hoped Finland would win, it would be about time to redo it. I supported Germany and voted for them (this year it's been made possible to vote all around the world, outside of ESC participants too - you can't vote for your own country obviously, unless you are located in some other country). Lord of the Lost - who have connections to Finland - even made a cover of Käärijä's song in Finnish, and in my opinion it's better than the original (go find it on YouTube!). For the show I wore red instead of green, and put a golden glitter on my face. But for the first time in my life I bought a bottle of real Champagne... and I'm not going to waste it by pouring it on myself, as in lyrics of Cha Cha Cha (see them in English). Unfortunately, Germany was the last; still, it was a gain for myself (new favorite band; So, gain for them as well - new fans!). Nevertheless, Käärijä came second; Loreen from Sweden won. This time it was Jury points that made a difference. That was our second best place ever! But I know many people in Finland will think that was a loss; that's just the nature of this nation. But Käärijä has ascended to Eurovision hall of fame forever! Anyway, it will take a long, long time for us to beat this result, I'm afraid not in my lifetime, and that's why I am a little disappointed. It was very contradictory experience, and hopefully I will recover by next year, but meanwhile I feel like I don't even want to hear about ESC! 

One week later (21.5.2023): I just have to add that now that we have seen Käärijä breaking all the records, I can only be proud of him, and proud of being Finn! He did win... hearts of people. 💚💚💚

Käärijä: Cha Cha Cha

If I should pick up one artist singing in Finnish whom I really like, that's easy: It is Olavi Uusivirta, singer - song writer, and actor. This song is quite old already (2006), but it's very touching; Hautalaulu ("Gravesong"). See lyrics in English. He's got more rocking tunes too. It's a shame I am yet to see him live; his live performances are praised. 

Olavi Uusivirta: Hautalaulu 

American Song Contest in 2022 was based on Eurovision Song Contest. It was shown on Finnish television as well, but I didn't watch it: it's not the same at all! I like to watch videos where Americans react to European things, and ESC is definitely one of my favorite subjects! 

But not all Americans are unaware of ESC: On YouTube I follow American drag queen Maxxy Rainbow, who is a big fan of ESC: he/she was in Italy last year, and now in Liverpool. I just love how excited and emotional he/she is about everything! That's an example of real ESC fan for all of us! Check out his/her YouTube Channel: Maxxy Rainbow ESC. 

Personally, I'm not musical at all. One time in my youth I have sung Karaoke, and that was also the last time ever, I promise! However, to include Buddhism/spirituality in this post, Tina Turner has said: 

"Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is a song. In the Soka Gakkai tradition we are taught how to sing it. It is a sound and a rhythm and it touches a place inside you. That place we try to reach is the subconscious mind. I believe that it is the highest place and, if you communicate with it, that is when you receive information on what to do. Singing a song can make you cry. Singing a song can make you happy. That’s spirit—the spirit inside of you."

It is true, it actually feels like singing. If I start chanting after I have listened to music I like, I feel like that same energy music gave me, is coming forth from myself, it is uniting two experiences following one another as one.  In 2020 Daimoku (Nam-myoho-renge-kyo) was part of Azerbaijan's Eurovision entry, Cleopatra. My husband was especially excited to point out this fact to me, and he still reminds me of it at times! Somehow it validated my practice for him, so I'm glad about the song, even if it feels a little forced and random how mantra is included, to add some mystical vibe. Sadly, that was the year contest was cancelled because of Pandemic. 

Efendi: Cleopatra (ESC Azerbaijan 2020)

New Revelations

 I am 53 years old this year, and I'm still learning new things about myself. Is it possible to ever know yourself completely, I sincerely doubt it. Today you are not who you were yesterday, rebirth is constantly going on even in one lifetime. The change is the only permanent thing in life: when there is movement, there is life. If you stop evolving, you are already dead. 

I'm always willing to receive new information and correct my perception, instead of stubbornly clinging to the old. My whole life is witness for that. And if you look around and keep your ears open, you will easily notice that not so many people are capable of that. 

Demisexuality

Last year I gained some valuable new insight. First of all, could it be that I am Demisexual? Wikipedia article at the time of writing this, says as follows: 

"Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close/strong emotional bond with them..." [...] "How much Demisexuals need to know about a person before they feel sexually attracted to them varies from person to person. There is no specific timeline on how long it takes, either. There is also no way to determine what qualifies as a close or strong bond, which can cause confusion." [...] "Many Demisexuals may choose to engage in casual sex even without experiencing sexual attraction towards their sexual partner." 

That would certainly explain a lot. Basicly, I'm very open and liberal about sexuality: I hate moralism, and in my fantasies I can be anything, but in the real world it is a different matter. I have often emphasized in various contexts the role of emotions in my life. In my experience I don't need to have a crush on person, let alone fall in love with them: it's enough that I know them even for a little while, and like them as a person. Of course good looks also help. That eliminates casual sex, and sex on the first meeting in general. (It's not impossible, though. I've had my share, long time ago, and it was very dissatisfying to me.) "Friends with benefits" sounds good to me! 

Also, plain banging is not pleasing; there has to be tenderness, kissing and fondling involved. Intimate connection between two people should never be meaningless, otherwise why have it in the first place. It has nothing to do with morals. I almost envy those who can exchange partners just like that. I just don't feel comfortable and safe in such a situation with random stranger. In my marriage I have a freedom and permission, but I have used it only twice years ago, with two different men. (And it seems my spouse is very much like myself, with respect to sexuality as well!) So one time is okay if other conditions are met, and romantic relationship or monogamy is not necessary. It's not like there have been many opportunities during these years, so it's not really my decision. There is obviously always individual variation within human sexuality, so nobody can tell me my experience is wrong, because it is not precisely like theirs! 

Self-nude from the 1990's

Demisexuality is on the Asexuality spectrum, and that first bothered me, because I felt I'm actually very sexual person, but the fact is, I've had different phases, and I know I can celibate quite easily. Also, recently when I read my old diaries from the 1990's (I was in my 20's back then), I just realized I didn't even miss or look for love or relationship at that age; all I wanted was pure and honest friendship. I had my first sexual experiences at 27, and soon after I met my partner to be: not because I really wanted to, but because of peer pressure. At the end of the day I can say that sex is not the most important thing in the world! 

It's not like I want a less known, fancy label. It's hard to accept that I'm anything but "just a regular gay", or that Demisexuality is independent sexual orientation, as it seems to be seen. I am what I am anyway. But it may summarise your individual experience of your sexuality, and it only says what I have always known. Yet I have to explain what it means to me. I have been part of that old school, wondering why all these increased self-definitions; as if people want to be categorized in ever smaller groups. But maybe you understand it when you find yourself in one of those groups, and realize that this is how some people experience - I'm not the only one. These categories did not spring out of nowhere. 

See also one of my previous posts, "I love gay sex!"

Late partner

I have another older post, "Sex, Love, Marriage", which I think is frequently read, but it is partially dated, especially regarding my late partner and our relationship. I used to underrate emotions, simply because I had never fallen in love with him! That's why I had to emphasize reason, and make up an excuse that we gradually grew to love one another... I guess I actually managed to make myself believe that, because I needed to justify our relationship... It was in my head, more than in my heart. I didn't even know what love is, so I just made up a rational concept of it - and there's nothing rational about it! I was kind of driven to relationship with him in the first place, it was very complicated; several external factors were at play, and I was vulnerable and under the influence of strong personalities. And it was also because of him that I was even homing in on Christianity - as if I forced myself to believe in that too. 

We ended up being together almost 19 years, "til death did us part". Now, spiritual-minded people often tend to believe everything happens for a reason, everything has a meaning. I guess it's more convenient than to admit that you have wasted years of your life in vain. I tried to please him, avoided conflict, got used to it, feared change, and worried for him. Obviously he had his faults too (emotional blackmail was used: no difficult stuff could be discussed, because he got depressed, and he made it clear that he would be crushed if he lost me), but I can't blame him: it was me and only me who stayed til the end, being dishonest to myself, and to him. 

It is very hard to live with someone depressed, and when you add alcoholism, you are deep in the shit. No one should blame themselves if they can't go on. It is not right to sacrifice your own life for someone else, you can't save them anyway. You can think about yourself first. Maybe we were a couple that shouldn't be, but it becomes more complicated if you think about it... without him, would I have stayed with my mother in the country, and as a member of narrow-minded cult? I was in dire straits both physically and mentally, so obviously because of my partner great liberation also came about, along with pain and conflict. I can't deny that. 

When I later converted to Buddhism, it came up as by itself, naturally, from within. Even though I first learnt the chant, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, through Tina Turner, I still use my own voice, if you get what I mean: There is something learned, but also something of my own, that I express out loud. Something universal as well as something personal. And it is my Buddha Nature I call forth, not Savior from Heaven. I was matured enough for Buddhism, just like I was finally mature for true love, and found the love of my life only in latter age. These two things seem to go hand in hand in my life.  

Introversion

I listened to Finnish podcast about extroverts and introverts. They interviewed a personality researcher, and it was mind-blowing! I have also taken a popular conception of introversion lying down, but reading comments on Facebook group for introverts, I have often thought, "I'm not that introverted!" I couldn't identify with the group of people who consider themselves introverts either. Often their ideas appear to be too simplified: "Because I'm an introvert, I'm like this, and can't do that..." In fact, it seems that being an introvert is similar to being Aquarius, and I do recognize a lot of typical characteristics of Aquarius in myself! Following thoughts are from the podcast... 

In the world of memes, introversion has become cool. There is a rise of introversion as a cultural backlash for hyping extroverts. Many people firmly believe that we are either introverts or extroverts. Modern research does not support this idea. Most of us are something in between. In the light of scientific personality psychology, extroversion/introversion is a dimension of features, and most people are placed somewhere in the middle. There are very few real introverts and extroverts, and categorizing  people in two groups does not correspond to scientifically based conception of personality psychology. People can not be dealt as categories, but as dimensions and their combinations. 

Even the original developer of these concepts, Carl Jung, did not think that people divide in two extreme ends. He wrote that most people are ambiverts, or something in between. Already in the 1960's it was noted that features of personality and behavior in individual situation don't interrelate very much. Larger proportion of variation (approximately 70%) in sociability and extroversion takes place within a person than between persons. Each one of us, regardless of our place in extroversion/introversion dimension, behaves constantly in everyday life in really extroverted and really introverted ways, and everything in between. 

Being energetic is already part of extroversion, one of its subfeatures. Do introverts get tired of socialization more than extroverts, that has been studied, and there is no evidence. All people may get tired of socialization to some extent, there are no differences between introverts and extroverts in the light of current knowledge. 

People may explain their social withdrawal by introversion, but results of extroverted behavior are the same for both, extroverts and introverts. There is a lot of good research about extroverted behavior making us happy, and it involves everyone. According to some researches, benefits for introverts may be even greater. 

Introvert and extrovert are no longer only scientific concepts, their meaning has broadened. If people use them to explain and understand themselves, that is a good thing. They have become social identities that people adopt to explain their behavior for themselves and for others. But if you lock your identity within these categories, you can miss out many things, you can evaluate the results of various action falsely. Features of our personality don't determine our behavior! Our behavior varies a lot according to situation. 

Well-known Myers-Briggs test has no scientific basis whatsoever. If people feel that combination of letters they receive, represents them, there's nothing wrong with that, but this test should not be used in recruiting, or anything like that, when it has real consequences for people. 

I have often determined that my spouse must be an ambivert, because in different situations he can be extremely extroverted or extremely introverted, but it looks like if he is that, then so am I. Last New Year one of his Facebook friends with their partner, whom we have briefly met, invited us at their home. But my spouse was bothered by the fact that we don't know them well enough. I understand completely. Problem is, how could we ever learn to know anyone well enough, if we don't give it a chance? We are rarely invited anywhere, because we don't know many people. 

My Conversion to Nichiren Buddhism

In the beginning of this year, 2018, I practiced silent meditation, Zazen, not daily but whenever I had time and I felt like it; I also started to go to my church, The Christian Community, every Sunday. Yet my spiritual life was very dry. Even though I learnt to appreciate the tradition of my church again, and I found inner peace in our Mass just like always before, I no longer could call myself a Christian, neither I believed in personal God, or that Jesus was more than human. With my partner we go to the "Rainbow Mass" of the Lutheran Church, aimed for GLBTQ-people, and I'm happy we can share that religious world together. 

I see certain progress in my spiritual life, especially since 2015, but even when I avowed myself a Luciferean, I really needed to take that step, go deep to the darkness to find my way back to the light again. After all, Lucifer means "the bringer of light"! I'm proud I can see the both sides without fear; it's balance. 

So my mind was moving for certain direction. Oriental thought seemed much more natural to me than Christian world view. I have always been interested in Buddhism, and vaguely aware of different schools of Buddhism. But it seemed perhaps a little too intellectual, more like philosophy than religion. That's why Zen was most interesting to me, and I went to local Zendo to learn to meditate in Zen way - Zazen. I have meditated before, and there are different techniques in Zen too, but the one I adopted because it suits me so well, is a "technique without technique". Basicly, it's just sitting. There is no purpose. When you focus on something, you are easily distracted, but with this technique everything that happens around you, becomes part of your practice. I also liked it because it goes beyond words and ideas and needs no faith in anything. 

 I have become very critical, even skeptical, about spirituality and religion, and yet I do have a tendency toward mysticism, and it's good to see that I still can get excited about something. So what happened next was not a result of thinking, but more like a "mystical experience", very sudden and surprising even for myself. I'm almost ashamed to admit it was triggered by such a trivial thing: I was watching a Youtube video of Tina Turner chanting a mantra, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo; it touched me deeply, resonating with something within me. It stuck with my mind, and after couple of days I started chanting at home. Soon after I set up a proper Buddhist altar, and now I'm learning to recite the Lotus Sutra in Japanese!

While silent meditation is passive and more about your mind, chanting is very physical and active. I haven't stopped meditating, but even meditation feels more profound after chanting. I had not even read about Nam Myoho Renge Kyo before - I only remember seeing the movie "What's love got to do with it" in the 1990's, and a scene of Tina Turner chanting; I was with a Japanese friend, who pointed out she was chanting in Japanese.

Now that I read more about its meaning, I right away acknowledged that I already believe in this! It's like a key I have been missing... to tune myself with the rhythm of the universe. In previous post, "Through Death to Love", I tell what happened to me after my long-time partner suddenly died. Already then I felt like everything goes just like it's supposed to go, in the best possible way: The Universe is working in favor of me, and I'm in the flow of life. Miracles happened, things I never dreamed of doing. Of course the death of my partner was something I never wanted, but it was like forces of change were blocked, and a "strike of destiny" was necessary. Everything after that was not by grace granted by some higher being, but I found the power and courage within me to act for change. Even after that I have also experienced a setback, when I have lost my course, let the worries distract my mind and anger blur my vision. Water will carry you as long as you trust it will, if you panic, you will drown; that's the nature of life too. You need to adapt to its flow, because if you stand against it, you are asking for trouble and suffering. It's an attitude you can choose and act on it.
That's what I mean by "key", a tool to work with, to harmonize yourself with the Law of Life. "In the beginning was the Word..." (1 Jh.1)

This practice comes from Nichiren Buddhism, which also has various subgroups with slightly different tenets. In Finland, where I live, we have Nichiren Shoshu school, and its rebellious offspring, Soka Gakkai International - the most wide spread and largest of all. After doing some research - thanks to internet, it's so easy today, and I seriously encourage everyone to do the same, no matter what religion or spiritual movement you are interested in - I am convinced that I will remain an independent practicioner; there are lots of us throughout the world too. 
I can't really judge something I have no experience of, and I'm sure I would meet nice people in Soka Gakkai International, but I'm also sure I would meet some narrow-minded people, because that's just human! Especially I'm afraid of dogmatism, superstition, and a cult of personality: that's all too familiar for me. I'm just protecting myself from disappointment - I already have enough of that for one life time. I must admit that their attitude toward GLBTQ-people seems to be okay. 
I'm not interested in Temple Buddhism with their priesthood. And I don't really feel like I need a group of like-minded people at all. Like-mindedness to me is both an illusion and a threat, as I have experienced both sides during my spiritual journey; illusion, when you actually have a mind of your own, and you find that your ideas are not accepted; threat, when you are so brainwashed that you believe everything you are told, even if it is against your very nature. 
From three major branches of Nichiren Buddhism, Nichiren Shu seems to be closest to traditional Buddhism. 
Here are the theses I hold to: 

• There is no one true form of Buddhism, just like there is no one true form of Christianity. 
• I revere Shakyamuni Buddha; Nichiren is not Buddha of "the Latter day of the Law". He was just a priest. Some people have compared him with Luther. Just like Luther, he also had his faults as a human being. He didn't invent chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, he only wrapped it up in this form and deserves to be remembered as its populariser. 
• The Lotus Sutra is one Sutra among others. This practice is based on it, so it is essential. But more traditional Buddhist teachings are important too. Personally, I perceive the Lotus Sutra a kind of like the Gospel according to John in Christianity: it is later than other canonical gospels, and includes highly developed theology; it is central to all Christian Churches, but a question is, is it more a teaching about Jesus than teaching of Jesus. However, power of myths is meaningful too, it addresses the feeling rather than reason.

I have printed my Gohonzon from internet, and that is obviously sacrilegious to all hardcore-Nichiren-Buddhists. I keep it framed on the wall above my small altar table - not closed in Butsudan when I don't practice - and I also have a statue of Shakyamuni Buddha on the shelf in the middle. 

As an independent practicioner, you are of course free to choose which elements of practice speak to you. Daimoku is after all the one and only thing necessary. When I still was Christian, my private devotional practice was composed of very similar elements, so it is not so alien to me. It fascinates me that this is much more religious discipline than mere silent meditation. However, it's hard for me to see Daimoku separate from Buddhist context, or else you might just as well repeat the phrase, "abracadabra".
We are in the core of Buddhism: we don't plead with external Deity, expecting for their mercy, but rather try to bring forth our own inherent potential of Buddhahood: Buddha nature. 
This practice is very empowering; it's like opening a spring of clear fresh water in me, it's pure joy, and even though I learnt it from external sources, at the same time I feel it already existed within me, and it is my very own sacred realm, where I am absolutely free individual.
Nichiren Buddhism is sometimes criticised because people chant to achieve material benefits for themselves, and that sounds like New Age to me. Even as a Christian, I didn't want to pray for a specific outcome or realization of some concrete goal, because it seemed too egoistic to me, and how should I know what's really best for me. That's exactly the same thing, and many Christians do that anyway! True happiness is within, not outside. Why expect for a miracle, when life itself is a miracle. I don't practice in hope of some future reward, but because of its immediate positive influence. Yet all the good things that happened to me in recent years were like a by-product of living in harmony with the currents of the Universe, with positive attitude. So I don't claim you need this practice for that, but maybe it helps; it's not always easy, so all the help is welcome.

I realize it may sound a little too simple and irrational, and I think I am quite intellectual and rational guy, but perhaps the greatest things in life are simple and irrational - practical and matters of heart. If you are an independent practicioner of this tradition, I would like to hear from you; we are members of the one spiritual Sangha!