MAGICAL REALITY

 We are very much afraid of the word magic, it has a bad name, for its meaning has degenerated and it has a purely superstitious sound in our ears. But magical was originally simply psychical, the ancients did not know of the existence of the psyche, so not being able to call anything psychic they used the word magic. ~Carl Jung, ETH Lecture XI, 3Feb1939, Page 71.

Magic is the working of men on men, but your magic action does not affect your neighbor; it affects you first, and only if you withstand it does an invisible effect pass from you to your neighbor. ~Carl Jung, The Red Book, Page 308.

The ancients devised magic to compel fate. They needed it to determine outer fate. We need it to determine inner fate and to find the way that we are unable to conceive. ~Carl Jung, The Red Book, Page 311.

In this post I would like to discuss something I have been doing for years, even before I became a Buddhist, and increasingly in past two years: magic (or magick, if you wish). Or should I say, magic as I see it; I don't claim to be an expert of any sort, with a lot of literary knowledge on subject: I am more of a doer. And as one might argue, that applies to my Buddhist practice as well. Precisely, I practice, everyday. I should read more... after all, study is one of the three basic elements of Nichiren Buddhism - faith, practice, and study. 

However, I know enough to quote so called experts. Aleister Crowley formulated his definition of magic as "the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity with  will." And, "every intentional act is a magical act." He also said: "Magic is real. And reality... it is magical." 

I readily admit I'm inclined towards magical thinking, and I see nothing wrong with that; It makes life much more meaningful and fascinating, when you are able to see it this way: miraculous! I have often witnessed small occurrences, that strengthened my faith and trust also in bigger circumstances: everything is alright. Your spirituality is weighed in mundane. (Jung came up with a concept of Synchronicity, a meaningful coincidence.)

Of course the downside of magical thinking would be superstitious fear of the unknown, but I leave that for Christians. When I was a child I feared the dark, because of what might lurk in there; Now that I'm grown up, darkness is a friend who protectively covers me under her velvety cloak (I should write a poem!). 

Also as a child, I remember how I used to see the shapes of people and animals in foliage of treetops against the sky. I can't see them anymore. I have been told I was not the only one. Jesus told us to become as little children to be able to enter into the kingdom of heaven. Children enjoy the world as it is with all their senses, without knowing of "evil" and "sin", and they still live in heaven here and now. So, I think "heaven" is a realm of creativity and imagination, and being like children is to surrender to this play in earnest, but not too seriously.  As a child I used to create enormous imaginary worlds, and oh, how devotedly I prepared to play, before I even started! In latter age I realized it was related to my religious life: The same play was continued, just in the name of religion this time, the Holy Play, so to speak, and rituals and symbols were the language of that state of being, language of the subconscious mind. (I have a feeling I have used almost these exact words before, but I couldn't find where, and it doesn't matter; They still fit in here perfectly.)

Wikipedia article on Magic and religion, states: "Religion and magic became conceptually separated in the West where the distinction arose between supernatural events sanctioned by approved religious doctrine versus magic rooted in other religious sources. With the rise of Christianity this became characterized with the contrast between divine miracles versus folk religion, superstition, or occult speculation." 

Modern study has questioned this contrast, and magic is rather seen as one of many forms of religious practice. Yes, we all know the bible reads, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live", among other things. Personally, I don't give a f**k. Nevertheless, what the bible says, it is full of descriptions of magical acts, and obviously in positive light when they are performed by the followers of Hebrew god. It's just not very interesting to me, as Non-Christian. I only see ignorance and hypocrisy of Christians. You don't see in your religion what you see in others. Yet, it is undeniably there. Just like bible is full of astrological stuff, no matter how "clearly" it seems to be forbidden. Besides, there are nowadays even Christo-pagans. And by the way, The Eucharist is a magical ritual throughout; see Stephan A. Hoeller, The Gnosis of the Eucharist. 

John Myrdhin Reynolds, aka Vajranatha, writes about historical explanations of magic: 

In ancient times among the Egyptians, Babylonians, and Greeks, and in medieval times until after the Renaissance, magic was explained in terms of the organic model of reality and the world. In this model, every thing and every event is connected with each other in terms of sympathies and correspondences. Magic was taken as an objective reality. But with the rise of modern science in the 17th century, these old explanations of how magic works no longer sufficed in the face of a clock-like mechanistic universe. So, in the next two centuries magic came to be explained in terms of energies, including subtle or occult energy which could not be detected by machines. However such energies may be experienced by our bodies and by our minds, which are far more sensitive instruments than any machine. At the beginning of the last century, with the influence of Freud and Jung, a psychological dimension was added to the explanations of magic, with psychic energy becoming the libido and the old gods and spirits being seen as psychological archetypes, or even projections. Quantum physics has moved beyond the old assumptions of earlier 19th century physics and the role of the subject or observer in the occurence of every event has come to be recognized.

So, what about Buddhism? In his lecture, "Magic, healing and ethics in Tibetan Buddhism", Sam van Schaik says: "When I use the term ‘Buddhist magic’ I mean rituals entirely performed for thiswordly ends, in which the ultimate aim of Buddhism - awakening - is only indirectly present in the practice, if at all. When buddhas and bodhisattvas appear in these practices, their role as saviour or exemplar of enlightenment is not forefronted, and their purpose is only to guarantee the effects of the magic spell. And ‘magic’ overlaps with ‘medicine’ in that specific remedies are prescribed for specific problems."

Author Trevor Corson writes about the magic of Buddhism, and he refers to important figure in history of Japanese Buddhism, who is fairly unknown in the West: a priest named Kukai, who founded Shingon sect, or "True Word" School, much older than better known Zen, and even today Shingon claims as many adherents in Japan as Zen. According to legend, Kukai is also a person attributed to introduce male same-sex love into Japan, which obviously isn't true: it has always been everywhere. Interesting story anyway, and a legend affirmed these relations in 17th century Japan.  

Shingon is part of Vajrayana, Tantric Buddhism or esoteric Buddhism, just like Tibetan Buddhism: "emphasizing not quiet meditation but mystical magic"... "magical technologies for influencing the world—not for escaping from it"...

(Nichiren's critics on Shingon can be read here.)

Consciously and intentionally I rely on magic when I'm on the threshold: something needs to be left behind, and something new to be born. The most obvious time for this is the New Year's night. That is my oldest and consistently cyclic magical practice. When I became a Buddhist, I briefly considered abandoning my old habits, but it became clear to me that there was an inner need for that: It is the main point that your tradition feels vivid, and you don't do it just because you're accustomed to. On New Year's night the "energy" - for lack of a better word - can be very strong, as if all the wishes and good intentions of human race formed a kind of collective cloud you can draw from, and channel for your purpose. Like magic is vibrating all around in the air. New Year to me is the most important holiday. Ideally it includes both secular and sacred activities to an appropriate extent: you mustn't forget Champagne! 

Today I just more blatantly embrace the fact that I do magic as well. As I see it, it is more like a "hobby" or something, that operates on the surface of reality, where the opposites appear; Whereas Buddhism to me is a profound conviction, reaching deeper levels of existence, where All is One. Opposition and separation are just the face of things; on a deeper level everything is interconnected. As I have said before, my philosophy seamlessly encloses a religion I practice, but  it's not emptied by it, and my spirituality consists of manifold aspects, since man is manifold creature. You might be surprised that I consider myself very down-to-earth and critical. So, in case you wonder if I actually believe in all this, that's a tough one. I never claim, "This is the Truth". Some ideas are like useful tools. And if needed, you can trade them. In Buddhism, the word "faith" translated from the Pali language, is saddha (shraddha in Sanskrit), literally meaning "to place the heart upon". It is not blind belief or submission to the authority. One needs trust or confidence in their practice and their own potential. 

My spiritual "idol" today is not some Guru on a pedestal, but a fellow practitioner (of different tradition) much like myself; I can relate to many things she's gone through on her own path: Zeena Schreck. For over twenty years she has been a Vajrayana Buddhist, but as her website also says: "Zeena incorporates into her personal practices and teachings decades long study, practice and personal gnosis of Gnostic Sethian theurgy traditions, stemming from the ancient worship and primordial magical practices of the Egyptian deity Seth." But it is strongly stressed that "Zeena has... received instruction from her heart Lama Ayang Rinpoche on how to properly practice both Buddhism and Sethian theurgy without contradicting her Buddhist vows. This is applied in the same manner as with Buddhist practitioners who originally are of other religions, such as Christian or Hindu, who still maintain aspects of their original faiths at the same time as recognizing those faiths are not the true route to Liberation, Enlightenment and Omniscience as taught by the Buddha Shakyamuni. It should therefore be understood, that in no way does Zeena conflate her Sethian practices and teachings... with the Buddhist ones. Nor does she blend them together as many occultists, secular humanist, atheists, academics, and religious zealots of all persuasions, wrongly assume."

Even as an independent practitioner of Nichiren Buddhism, my practice is still formal and traditional. My magic, however, is the way to express my creativity. I find it more meaningful to form your own rituals, not to adopt what others have done, even though you may borrow some things. That is to say, it is personal. I find something similar in Chaos Magic. My magic is also Elemental Magic, because the four elements of fire, water, earth, and air have always been important to me. 

My drawing 1992

I usually don't use spiritual entities, gods or whatever, because it feels a little forced to me. In my 20's I was interested in Wicca, years before I became Christian, and in early 1990's there was no internet and not much information available. I expressed my interest in artistic manner. Later when I was deeper in a box of Christianity, I couldn't quite grasp the idea of worshiping old pagan gods - how could anyone actually still believe in them? I could not see that belief in godhead of Christianity was essentially and equally "strange". When I was freed from Christianity through Luciferianism, which was close to Neopaganism, I truly realized how you can believe in other gods - or at least work with their energies. Gods or demons, as well as many buddhas and bodhisattvas, are all aspects of oneself. 

On this video below, "Does Prayer actually work?", Morgue gives some good points to consider. According to him, prayer is a weak form of magic. Why weak? Because it transfers the power away from you - you give it to god, spirit, godhead. You project your power on something outside. Under the will of that godhead, you have bound yourself. There is no metaphysical force out there, Morgue argues, godhead exists in your mind, and your mind is powerful and makes things happen. Magic, on the other hand, emphasizes the willpower of a practitioner: If you work with the spirit, you don't beg, you command! You are a magician in the middle of circle, and everything revolves around you. You represent the central point of the universe in microcosm. Spirits don't really exist, they are aspects of your own consciousness. You are balancing your psyche, as advanced magician knows. The more complex the spell, the more it works your unconscious mind (like, if you write something down once, you may forget it; if you write it hundred times, you will more likely remember). The spell in itself won't do anything, it activates unconscious effort in your mind, and nothing impossible can occur. It is like placebo, often underrated, but its effect is real, and science can not fully explain it. Magic is transforming yourself, and through that you impact on others and change the world. That's a brief summary of video.  

In some Buddhist traditions, "prayer plays only an ancillary role" (Wikipedia); "It is largely a ritual expression of wishes for success in the practice and in helping all beings." Especially Soka Gakkai International seemingly likes to use a word prayer, which I think may be a little misleading in Buddhist context, as it easily conjures up a Christian idea. A word meditation could be used instead. Corresponding Finnish Wikipedia article says that the style of prayer in Nichiren Buddhism, when you recite the verses of the Lotus Sutra, is close to Western idea of prayer, but as it is added: Praying here can be understood as a process of deepening self-knowledge, which enables one to evolve as a human being. 

Sometimes it seems that in SGI people try to gain benefits by chanting, to achieve their goals in material world. Some people even refer to manifestation and the laws of attraction in this context, which is far-fetched and alien to me, and I don't mean to deny the conception altogether, it's just not Buddhism; mantra is not a magical formula. Even as a Christian, I didn't want to pray for some specific outcome or a concrete goal to be fulfilled, because it seemed too egoistic to me. And that is exactly what many Christians do. Yes, Jesus said, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." (John 14:14 NIV), but it needs to be put into perspective with his other words: "Your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matthew 6:8 NIV), and "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" (Luke 11:13 NIV) Holy Spirit, Bread of Life, spiritual sustenance... Our Daily Bread in The Lord's Prayer. This is universal perspective. Spiritual development, enlightenment, is our primary goal. Every possible good attainment in life is a spin-off beside that. 

Only now in 2024 I found out about ancient Egyptian concept called Heka, and I think it is fascinating! Never before have I even heard about this, which is odd since I consider myself very educated on these matters, and instantly I was attracted to this idea, as sometimes may happen to me. I put the links at the bottom, but first I try to gather some main points together... 

Heka was the deification of magic and medicine in ancient Egypt. The name is the Egyptian word for "magic", and literally translates as "using the ka", also explained as "the first work". 

"Heka". Papyrus scroll on the right
is a symbol of an abstract concept

Its hieroglyphic spelling includes the symbol for the word ka, the Egyptian concept of the vital force. The word written in hieroglyphs consists of a twisted rope (h) - or a twist of flax, thought to resemble two snakes - and two parallel arms pointing up (ka). When a seated god is added, the text is referring to the god with the same name, who embodies the concept of heka. Magic empowered all the gods and Heka was also a god of power whose name was tied to this meaning. Originally his name may have meant "he who consecrates the ka" and he is called "Lord of the Kas" in the coffin texts. Ka was also an aspect of a person's or god's soul. Therefore Heka was originally the deity who watched over one's soul, gave one's soul power, energy, and allowed it to be elevated in death to the afterlife. 

God Heka

Ḥeka preceded all other Egyptian deities, and is probably the most important god in Egyptian mythology, among the oldest gods of Egypt, regarded as the power behind the gods, but often overlooked because his presence was so pervasive as to make him almost invisible. Magic enabled a personal relationship with the gods which linked the individual to the divine. In this way, Heka can be seen as the underlying form of spirituality in ancient Egypt regardless of the era or the gods most popular at any time. In the coffin texts Heka  speaks: "To me belonged the universe before you gods came into being. You have come afterwards because I am Heka". He was the protector and sustainer of humanity and of the gods they worshiped as well as the world and universe in which all lived.

He is sometimes seen in Egyptian art in the boat of the sun along with other personified elements, namely Sia (perception or insight) and Hu (creative utterance, authoritative speech). To human beings, he finds expression in the heart and the tongue, represented by gods Sia and Hu. Heka was the power which infused both. He was linked to the creative aspects of the heart and the tongue. The heart was considered the seat of one's individual personality, thought, and feeling, while the tongue gave expression to these aspects. In the same way that Heka, Sia, and Hu enabled the gods to first create the world, they allowed human beings to think, feel, and express themselves.

According to myth, the god Heka fought and overcame two serpents. These serpents then became part of Heka's symbol, symbolic of his power, with two snakes above the head. He is connected with the caduceus (a winged staff with two serpents wrapped around it), now a symbol associated with medicine. He was generally depicted carrying a magic staff and a knife, the tools of a healer, as a man in royal dress wearing the regal curved beard of the gods. Heka had no formal ritual worship, no cult following, and no temples (except in the late period of ancient Egypt, 525 - 323 BCE).

The concept of Heka lacks clear boundaries between ancient Egyptian magic, religion, and medicine. Heka was not limited to active rituals but it was a power that permeated life. Practitioners of magic were often temple priests, and magic was neither positive nor negative; it was a cosmic force that could be used to destroy or to protect, a natural force that could be harnessed and manipulated by deity or man for either harm or protection. Egyptian physicians called themselves "priests of Heka". 

According to texts, Heka existed before duality had yet come into being, without parents, without origin. In origin stories, the creator god, Atum, uses heka to make the world. Every aspect of the universe is made of heka. It has been likened to an “all pervading coercive power—comparable to the laws of nature in its coerciveness and all pervadingness—by which in the beginning the world was made, by which it is daily maintained and by which mankind is ruled.” (Jan Assman, Magic and Theology in Ancient Egypt) It is a force that created and propelled the universe, but could also be manipulated by the actions, words, objects and images to bring about a desired result.

Odgen Goelet (Ph.D. in ancient Egyptian history) explains:

Heka magic is many things, but, above all, it has a close association with speech and the power of the word. In the realm of Egyptian magic, actions did not necessarily speak louder than words – they were often one and the same thing. Thought, deed, image, and power are theoretically united in the concept of Heka.

 The Greek and Roman Stoics would later write of the Logos and the Neo-Platonists of the Nous - a force which flowed through and bound all things together but was, at the same time, distinct from creation and eternal - and so Heka lived on under these different names. The influence of the Neo-Platonists on the development of religious beliefs is well established, and so Heka continued as he always did; the invisible force behind the visible gods.

Maybe you wonder why I use so much space for this ancient Egyptian concept. I don't know if you are able to understand what I try to say... I don't need explanations to satisfy my reason, I receive inspiration, like at the magnificent piece of Art. Although I'm sure different mind (absolute and literal, that is) would overanalyze that too. I rather let it speak to me. Yet at the same time I'm skeptical about many things that don't make sense to me; It is a paradox of spirituality. Ancient Egyptian religion is no longer a living tradition, but Western Occultism and Esoterism often claim to trace their origin back to Ancient Egypt. So why not take an advantage of it. 

Reiki

This concept of Heka reminds me of Chinese Qi, or Ki as in Reiki, which I often use combined with my practice of magic. See, for example, Christopher Penczak's article, Using Reiki Magick. He is a witch, and he has also written a book about this subject. I have heard modern witches say that their witchcraft is energy work. I have described my life in recent years as being in the flow of Life, or tuned in to the rhythm of the Universe, and Buddhist chanting is helping me to keep my focus. I think it is fundamentally the same thing. 

In New Year I write a list of things I wish to let go (and nowadays also a list of things I'm grateful for, just for the balance). I have a bowl of water, and stones. Going through the list, I pick up a stone with every item, take a deep breath and squeeze the stone in my fist, then drop it in the water and exhale. Finally I burn the list. This simple exercise has proven very effective in releasing negative emotions, especially quilt, like when my partner died, and I thought about everything I had done or hadn't done or said. Although in normal circumstances I no longer find many things I would regret: Along with my Christianity I gave up my quilt. 

Still every New Year I have done an online Tarot reading - a reminder from the 1990's, when I was very much into New Age. Nowadays it's more like an entertainment. This year my husband actually wanted to buy physical Tarot cards, so next time I will use them. But this is the free site I can recommend: Facade. 

Likewise, I write down my goal for the next year, and close it in the envelope and seal it. It is precisely the point that I will forget it, but hopefully it is imprinted on my subconscious mind. The most exciting example of what might happen is this: In the end of 2015 when my partner had just died, I had written that "I am open for Love". I didn't remember that as I opened the envelope in the end of 2016, and it just happened that I had met my husband and fell in love with him! And I can assure you it is not something that happens to me all the time! Another goal actualized was permanent employment. Things don't just happen by themselves, it is I opening up for opportunity - that needs to be emphasized. 

My Baphomet candle

Last New Year I lit for the first time a candle I consecrated for magical purposes. I burn it whenever I'm doing magic (which is not often!). There is a figure of Baphomet depicted on a candle, or the "Sabbatic Goat", drawn by the French occultist Eliphas Levi in the 19th Century. It is said to symbolize dualism. I chose this candle for the sympathy towards The Satanic Temple, which uses this image as their symbol. TST was only just founded when I entered my Luciferian period (see my post, "My visit on the 'dark side'"); If I had known of their kind of interpretation of Satanism, more positive than that of the Church of Satan (or so it seems to me), who knows... But on the other hand, I came from Esoteric Christianity, so obviously I still needed esoterism. Years later I believe less and less, and yet I have one difference of opinion with TST, more aligned with beliefs of Church of Satan, and that is a position on magic. 

My ritual dagger

When I was Luciferian, I considered buying a ritual dagger, but never did. Now, ten years later, I actually did buy a dagger! These two items are my most important magical tools: As candle is a symbol of wisdom or illumination to me, so is dagger a symbol of power. I use my power in the light of wisdom. 

Last year I had enough of my increasing negative emotions towards my late partner (see "New Revelations"). They made me question the whole relationship of nearly 19 years, and threatened to poison the significance of his death, as I once experienced it (see "Through Death to Love"). Suddenly I had a dream I frequently had during the first year after his passing: I was with him, and all I could think about was how to tell him I don't want to be with him, because I have someone else. This time I felt distressed, and I was relieved when I woke up; A dream had become a nightmare. It was the last straw.

So I decided to begin a "magical process", as I called it. All in all, it took about four months. I "purified" my life with him using Reiki, one year at a time for one week, 15 minutes every night. I slowly burned out the candle our mutual friend - and still a friend for me and my current husband - gifted for X-mas 2015, after my partner had died, and I preserved it as a token of memory until now. 

Just like I used to talk to my partner every night for three months after his passing, now I wrote a letter, highlighting the fact that then I felt he was still close to me, now he's distant both emotionally and temporally. Finally, I burned the letter, as you may have already guessed. I made a minor "pilgrimage/retreat" on a place of our engagement ritual, in the forest by the lake. Just sitting on a rock, watching the lake, listening to the waves. For long time after his death I felt an urge to visit there once a year, and it is relatively hard to get there, and a long way. Now that urge seems to be gone. Needless to say, my magical process was a success! It came to an end, and is never to be revisited. Here I only gave a few outlines, not the whole procedure. 

Place of our engagement ritual in 1999, after two years
together; Rock in the middle was an altar, and the four elements
 witnessed. Ashes of our four beloved cats have been buried there,
along with a tuft of my late partner's hair

Last summer I established a new similar and yet very different "sacred place" for myself alone. It is a large rock by the bank of nearby pond. Located at a nature conservation area, just next to the jogging path. It is very close to my home and easily accessible. I go there around midnight (hence I can't take a picture), when it is really quiet and peaceful. I may even lie down on a rock, staring at the starry sky. When I arrive, I draw the power symbol of Reiki with my finger on the rock; When I leave, I chant Daimoku (Namu Myoho Renge Kyo) three times. I have also started to hug trees, as I did in the 1990's (first asking for permission, and thanking afterwards): it is like meeting old friends - they are living beings after all ("Trees are poems that the earth writes upon the sky..." - Kahlil Gibran). 

Only later I realized it is grounding or earthing what I'm doing, and what I really needed. It is refreshing. That's where the magic comes from: It's a natural force. That's why I associate my magic with paganism. In terms of Divinity, it is surely present in nature. I like to call it simply Life or Universe; Both we can observe and understand, they are around us, and we are also part of them. Yet much more is veiled in mystery, and still beyond human comprehension. We are in this body, in this world, for a reason. We are where we're meant to be. And it is good. It's just life as it is. 

This Fall it became necessary to perform a magical ritual for my troubled relationship with an old friend (see "Beyond Words"). It's been going on for years, and I'm really tired of that drama for good, even though my distress is very real, not overstated at all! Again, I don't go to details, but first I showered (purified from negativity), I remained nude (honest and real). I wrote a rhyming spell (rhyming, to make a conscious effort) on a pink paper, and lit a pink candle. I made a list of his good qualities. I had an old photograph of him (from 1999 when we had just met. On the back of photo, I have written: "My kindred spirit". That's how I saw him back then), and a mirror to reflect myself. After ritual, I fully understood it is true what I have suspected: I do project myself on him, everything I have left behind, or don't want to see in myself; everything I hate about myself. Like, I've got this obsessive idea that I'm mentally strong, I have to be strong, and I can survive anything, on my own. (Even though I have a reverse experience as well!) I see weakness in him, and I hate it. 

I also drew a picture I have been planning for years, thinking about us: Buddha and Jesus, just two human beings without halos, commonly drinking tea together, as friends. There is a white rose, a symbol of our small spiritual gathering long time ago, but also a white lotus, as in the Lotus Sutra: Spiritual symbols of both West and East. And a phrase in Latin: "Vacate et Scire" - "be still and know"... as in the Psalm 46:10, but "vacate" can be translated, "Be free"; "Empty yourself"; "Make space"... and know - making its meaning even deeper. A reference to silent meditation, as I see it. This picture is like the abstract of this particular magical act. 

Our first meeting after this ritual was promising: I was able to be more straightforward than before. I even suggested that next time we should quietly just sit and meditate together for starters, and we already settled a date. Something I have been thinking for a long time. I gave him my drawing: In a way, I poured myself into it, so let it work its own magic; He can form his own opinion, and next time I can tell him what I was thinking as I drew it.  

Even now he managed to get me annoyed - which I was able to say out loud right away. This was not the first time. He repeatedly says that he doesn't care about religions - unlike I see him - yet he always refers to Christianity, and how something spiritual is truly "Christian" when he likes it (he once traveled to Egypt, and told that moral behavior of some Muslim women was in fact "Christian"). His use of a word makes it meaningless. When he tells about his spiritual journey, and how he has experienced what is true, they are the truths of Christian religion he's talking about. As I see it, it doesn't leave much space for other religions and different truths, for he knows the truth - not a fragment of it, like the rest of us mortals, but the whole truth - and it is superior. It seems pointless to try to explain that I have my own spiritual journey, and I have experienced many things too. 

It is okay to say, "this is my journey, this is my truth"; it is not okay to say, "this is the truth, and I know it." Or else you lack a sense of proportion, and are just a dick, like each and every Christian (well, maybe not everyone). It's not far from saying, "God told me so; Repent, you unbeliever!" He makes a distinction between himself and "ordinary believers", as he calls them, but some minor specifics (like Reincarnation) don't make him more than just another believer in my eyes. Seems to me he can't distinguish plain spiritual experience from his own interpretation of it, based on his belief system. (Absolute and literal mind, as mentioned before: It's all either black or white.)

That's my impression anyway. Is it just my misinterpretation, or maybe he's expressing his thoughts poorly... or maybe I see arrogance because I'm arrogant? Or maybe he is. My thoughts about him may often be disparaging, so is it wonder if that's what I expect from him too? I can't really ask for respect, unless I show respect. He is not a problem, I have a problem. It's all about my thoughts and my feelings... And perhaps part of a problem is that I don't really know his thoughts and feelings. One time earlier, I opened my heart, and I was so relieved, but he didn't say much. Anyway, magic is primarily affecting me, and through me indirectly on him. I can feel it. Even I don't know what I unleashed. 

I don't think it was religion that united us in the first place. For over ten years as an active member of The Christian Community, I never made friends with anyone else. Rather I think it was mutual likeness we both recognized: Two broken souls attracted one another. And that likeness was what I had enough. In spiritual groups I always felt like I'm playing a role. A single common ideal doesn't unite people very well. Today I have stopped pretending to be something I'm not. The fact that I see how far I am from my ideal, paradoxically proves me I'm on the right track. Enlightenment is increasing self-knowledge, by small insights: Not a sudden, undisputed mystical experience, that changes everything all at once. 

The spell I cast, has two possible end results, because I don't know what I want, or what is best for us: Either it will heal our relationship, or it will help to let go. You can not fix what is not broken. We don't have very much in common anymore. It is only natural that people change, and their relationships change accordingly. Sometimes people grow apart. It doesn't concern only lovers. There is no forever on earth. The fact that I only have few friends, and he's the second oldest one, may not be reason enough to cling to relationship, if it's not working. I used to have a friend - straight male - from school, who was important to me growing up. When I had my "spiritual awakening" in my 20's, we started to drift apart (or I did), because suddenly that was my whole life, and all I wanted to talk about, and it was like invisible wall between us. I was a drama queen and ended our friendship with a letter. Two years later he approached to me again, and I learnt I made him depressed and suicidal! That was a shock. I didn't think I could matter that much for him. I only thought about myself obviously. We renewed our friendship, and spent wonderful summer together. Soon after that our relationship started to weaken naturally, since I moved away, and also he was the only person in my life who reacted badly when I came out to him. Nowadays he is just another name among my Facebook friends. Then I met this other guy, also a straight male, and the tables have turned: Today he would like to talk about spirituality, I don't. 

Perhaps my goal for the next year should be making a new friend? In my case that really requires magic! 

My drawing

 

Links:

Wikipedia: Heka (god)

Dr. Flora Brooke Anthony: Heka: Understanding Egyptian Magic On Its Own Terms

Thomas Ellison: Magic in the Ancient World: Egyptian Deities and Uses

Ancient Egypt Online: Heka

Joshua J. Mark: Heka

Faith: Its Role and Meaning in a Buddhist Wisdom Tradition

Dharma Data: Faith

THE YEAR OF TRIBULATION

It's almost a year since my heart surgery, and yet I haven't written about it as I was planning to do... However, the world has gone crazy, and right now it's not on top of my "to-do" list. Coronavirus pandemic is raging among us, and my heart condition makes me part of the risk group. 

Now that I'm writing this, only 5 people have died in Finland so far. Finland has taken hard measures, schools were mostly closed, gatherings restricted, borders were closed, and southern part of the country, where the most infections have been found,  is being isolated from the rest of the country (luckily, that's not where I live), and we all are practicing "social distancing", and strict hygiene, as we are told to do. 

Just like in the United States, we have witnessed people hoarding food and toilet paper, and sanitizers are mainly sold out everywhere. 

I am in "socially critical profession", as a cleaner. Nowadays it's disinfection everywhere. Yet my employer also needs to lay off temporarily many employees, because so many clients have to close their businesses. 

One well-meaning friend texted me I should stay at home, but that's not realistic, as long as it's not an order from authorities, and I still have a job to go to, unlike so many others. Besides, at work I feel much safer than going to supermarket. Now it's time to use online shopping and home delivery. Many clients do remote work anyway, and my work is more important than ever before! I just do my best, following the instructions. Of course your health should be first priority, before livelihood, but I don't see it as an option to stay away from work on my own. 

Another friend commented that "this might be an updated Black Death; Nature is eliminating the weak." But it's not about the weak, it's about the human race as a whole. It's not very encouraging, but can't help thinking the Nature is trying to get rid off the vermins of the planet. 

Some people seem to think, "I am young and healthy, if I get sick, it's going to be mild; the weak will die, what can you do? It's not my concern." 

It's not guaranteed that young and healthy person would not get a serious illness and even die. And yes, we all die sooner or later, but even I don't want to die just yet. 

Same friend continued that "here in Finland we have different conditions, which will affect the virus, cleaner air, and no pollution like in China. Virus is transforming all the time..." What a load of crap! That has nothing to do with scientific facts! 

Stop repeating the mantra, "Most people get just slightly sick"! MOST PEOPLE. If you are careless for your own health, you are careless for other people's health as well, and possibly even for their lives! That's extreme selfishness! How is it so hard to understand? 

There is no need to panic, as long as you do all you can, but neither one should be lulled to false sense of security. We just don't know yet. It will take months in any case. 

 A thought that is giving me comfort at these times, instead of being worried of my own well-being all the time, is that I am not alone, this is not about me, I'm not any special: we are all in the same situation together! Our president Sauli Niinistö said, we should keep a physical distance, but take a spiritual closeness. 

As an introvert, it's not hard for me to stay away from people, it's just my life. Obviously, it's getting even more concrete forms when you have to be careful of casual contacts while going outside. With my husband I sometimes go for a walk late in the night. 

This too will pass, but hopefully we learn something, and prepare better. 

For study and pondering:

A little bit of Anthroposophical perspective... From a lecture Rudolf Steiner gave in 1914:

"Let me illustrate this with an obvious example. As we know, people today are haunted by a fear we can compare with the medieval fear of ghosts. It is the fear of germs. Objectively, both states of fear are the same. Both fit their respective age: People of the Middle Ages held a certain belief in the spiritual world; therefore quite naturally they had a fear of spiritual beings. The modern age has lost this belief in the spiritual world; it believes in material things. It therefore has a fear of material beings, be they ever so small. Objectively speaking, the greatest difference we might find between the two periods is that ghosts are at any rate sizable and respectable. The tiny germs, on the other hand, are nothing much to write home about as far as frightening people is concerned. Now of course I do not mean to imply by this that we should encourage germs, and that it is good to have as many as possible. That is certainly not the implication. Still, germs certainly exist and ghosts existed also, especially as far as those people who held a real belief in the spiritual world are concerned. Thus, they do not even differ in terms of reality.However, the important point we want to make today is that germs can become dangerous only if they are allowed to flourish. Germs should not be allowed to flourish. Even materialists will agree with this statement, but they will no longer agree with us if we proceed further and, from the standpoint of proper spiritual science, speak about the most favorable conditions for germs. Germs flourish most intensively when we take nothing but materialistic thoughts into sleep with us. There is no better way to encourage them to flourish than to enter sleep with only materialistic ideas, and then to work from the spiritual world with the ego and the astral body on those organs that are not part of the blood and the nervous system. The only other method that is just as good is to live in the center of an epidemic or endemic illness and to think of nothing but the sickness all around, filled only with a fear of getting sick. That would be equally effective. If fear of the illness is the only thing created in such a place and one goes to sleep at night with that thought, it produces afterimages, Imaginations impregnated with fear. That is a good method of cultivating and nurturing germs. If this fear can be reduced even a little by, for example, active love and, while tending the sick, forgetting for a time that one might also be infected, the conditions are less favorable for the germs."

Goetheanum published following article by Georg Soldner: The Corona Virus.

Then from Buddhist perspective, Take a Mindful approach to Coronavirus by Christiane Wolf,

and Tricycle: Practicing in a Pandemic.

I am Nichiren Buddhist, but not part of any sect. However, following passage from the New Human Revolution by president Daisaku Ikeda of Soka Gakkai International, was encouraging to me:

The important thing is what you do from now. Are you going to be discouraged and allow yourselves to fall into despair? Or will you regard this as an opportunity to show actual proof of your faith and rise up again courageously, determined not to be beaten?Your inner resolve is what decides your happiness or unhappiness. Over the course of our lives, we are bound to face all kinds of adversity, not only natural disasters but things like bankruptcy, unemployment, illness, accidents and the deaths of loved ones. No life is ever perfectly smooth. In fact, life is an endless series of trials and tribulations, and it would be no exaggeration to say that facing difficulties is indeed what life is about. The question, then is, How do we remain unbeaten by these trials and adorn our lives with victory? Buddhism teaches the concept of transforming poison into medicine. According to this principle, we can change even the worst circumstances into benefit and happiness through faith. We need to be utterly confident of this… Unhappiness is not caused by adverse circumstances; it is caused by our own despair and negativityAnother important thing is to realize that the suffering you are experiencing now has a profound significance. If all of you who have been adversely affected by this natural disaster are able to splendidly rebuild your lives, you have turned poison into medicine and demonstrated the greatness of Nichiren Buddhism to society. That is the purpose of the struggle you are now encountering.

Also the letter by Nichiren Shonin living in solitude, while great plague was raging in Japan in 1279, is somehow encouraging to me; There is nothing new under the sky! He had to go through it in those days, when it was harder in many ways, and yet remained strong in spirit, so why wouldn't I. He was alone, but got help from his disciples - there's an example for all of us. 

For spiritual support at your own home: Silent Unity Virtual Prayer Vigil. You enter beautiful virtual chapel, with simple piano melody playing; It may help to create a mood to quiet down. The rest is up to you, and your innermost being, which can't be artificially substituted from outside. It's all the same if you were in Church.

See also: How to meditate?

Now it's a good time to look for online resources, books, movies, games, exercises, meditations, whatever. You can also interact with other people online. Personally, I don't necessarily miss any kind of interaction, besides my husband of course, but I understand more extroverted people may really undergo a hard time right now. 

Some of my favorite memes so far:

WORD AND LIGHT

We walk on the road with Jesus Christ (Lk.24) and He talks to us (gospel), making our hearts burning within us like a coal in a censer, as our prayers rise with a smoke (offering); He comes in and abides with us (transsubstantiation), and finally we are at the table with Him and we go to the world as His messengers (Communion).

Through the four phases of the Act of Consecration, we are led from receiving to giving, but constantly staying active within. Participants appear to sit still just observing, but it's not mere stillnes of meditation, when people sink deeply into their own inner being, finding their true essence and strengthening the Self; It is more like common prayer, since prayer is about devotion, not words repeated aloud - and in prayer man is expanding outwards until he loses himself meeting the One greater than himself and completely the Other. In Him we are all One.
From the depth of our souls we gather little pieces of eternal value - that which is gold among the led of lower nature - lifting our hearts up to heaven with this treasure. Together we form a cup of human community. Thus a new force poured into this cup may help us to transform more of our nature to gold. Ultimately, each of us is a chalice: New wine into new wineskins.

Through the meeting with Christ as that timeless stream from Golgotha reaches us in time - provided that we are ready and willing to receive it (for instance in sacraments) - our innermost being is awakened. It will be in us "as well of water springing up into everlasting life" (Jh.4). Whoever drinks this water will never thirst. But this world offers us only the wine vinegar to drink. On the Mount of Olives Jesus prayed: "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done" (Lk.22:42). This is the true spirit of prayer! Jesus drank the cup til the last bitter drop. Yet we are promised in the Psalm 23 that "my cup overflows" when I'm at a table in the presence of my "enemies" - my fears and worries etc. - and my head will be anointed with oil, with the sign of the Risen Lord! Once you grow in spirit, this growth in one aspect of your nature will flow to other cups too!

Fr. Anthony de Mello points out that with the Communion bread everybody receives the whole Christ - I receive the whole Christ, you receive the whole Christ, so does the one next to you and so on. So great is His love!
When Jesus during His ministry repeatedly had supper with people, only requiement for joining the company was to accept HIM at the table! He as a host surely welcomes all!
Communion is the true Mystery of the Bridal Chamber, foretaste of the Wedding of the Lamb, when soul as the Bride meets her heavenly Bridegroom.
As my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit - the Christ in me - so we are members of the Body of Christ; we are the Church. Kingdom of God is both within us and amidst of us. In Jesus Christ God incarnated, through the Holy Spirit Christ dwells in us. As He came in human form 2000 years ago in Palestine, so He comes again and again today in Consecrated elements of bread and wine, nourishing our inner man.

Several times in the gospels we are told "Behold!", and "He that hath an ear, let him hear" and Psalmist also says "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good." We have tasted the good word of God (Heb.6:5). We meet a piece of heaven here on earth provided that we're open for it.
Someone said the Lord's Prayer is a gospel in a nutshell. With these words we are offering the fullness of our heart and soul - our devotion and worship - to Godhead. By prayer we can't change God; Instead, God will change us, even if it is so subtle we don't see it. What we receive through this prayer is really a "Communion of the Mystical Bread"..."Daily bread", artos epiousios or panem supersubstantialem as the Vulgate translates, is supersubstancial bread: That's how many early Church Fathers interpreted the sentence, that's how the Cathars understood it, that's how Pekka Ervast explains in his book "The Sermon on the Mount or the Key to Christianity". It's obvious once you take a closer look at the gospel according to Matthew, chapter 6: Soon after giving His prayer, Jesus says: "Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what you shall drink"..."For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
It is the presence of Christ Himself - "I am the Bread". It is Grace (or love), charis - charismata as the gifts of the Holy Spirit. The Catholics acknowledge the act of spiritual communion beside the Mass - but never without.

Now we may understand that the Lord's Prayer is said in the Act of Consecration - as well as in any liturgy - right after transsubstantiation, in the beginning of Communion, and why I like to think of it as Sacrament! Mind is a priest and heart is an altar, as Kahlil Gibran wrote, as we pray "in spirit and in truth" - that is, by the power of spirit and understanding the truth (of what we are praying for). One of the names Jesus gave to the Holy Spirit, is the Spirit of Truth. Big heart and open mind is what we need.
The heart of man is supposed to be the spiritual Sun (the "Sun" of God) - the centre of his being - and his mind, his intellect, was meant to reflect its light just like the moon. Otherwise, if it rebels against the heart as often seems to be the case, mind will become Lucifer with its false light misguiding us. "You are the light of the world"..."If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" (Mt.5:14, 6:23)

In Scripture, word and light go together; The first thing God said, was "Let there be light" - "and there was light." Along with this creative fiat light comes forth from the very essence of Godhead, which is light itself. St. Luke tells us that when the angel of the Lord appeared before the shepherds in the field to bring them the good news of the newborn Messiah, "the glory of the Lord shone round about them." This glory is doxa in Greek - a word used of the presence of God in the Scripture (as in the doxology of the Lord's Prayer!): "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:14). Remember the golden radiant sphere depicted in icons round the heads of the holy men and women of God: They glorify God! In Eastern Orthodox tradition, so called theosis or deification of man, has mostly as outward characteristic a phenomenon of light - enlightment, transfiguration. This light was seen by the holy people in prayer, it was not merely symbolical nor sensory perception. It was the light that shone forth from Christ as He was transfigured and it will light the whole world on the day of judgement. St. Paul also witnessed the light on his way to Damascus. According to Origen, once a mystic takes his final step to unio mystica, when he's united with God, he participates with the light of Logos.

Like a breastplate of the High Priest with engraved gem stones, once memorized, we shall keep the words of the Lord's Prayer upon our heart, each word as a precious stone shining in the Christ-light. Like jewels in all the colors of the rainbow in the golden plate, the Lord's Prayer consists of the full splendor of Christianity.
Prayer by prayer, we are building heavenly city, the New Jerusalem, which will descend from above; "And its brilliance was like that of very precious jewelry"..."And the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp" (Rev.21:11, 23). "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb.11:1): By prayer, we do invisible work, for words are works; "As above, so below" - "as in heavens, so also on earth". Spirit to matter.
Christ Jesus gave us the words of the Lord's Prayer, He is praying for us, with us, and in us; in fact, He is in every word of the Prayer. - After all, He is the Word of God!
"And God said, let there be light" (Gen.1:3).
"In the beginning was the Word" (John 1:1).
"Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life" (John 6:68).
"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you" (John 15:7).
"Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away" (Mt.24:35).
"The Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26).
"God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father" (Gal.4:6).
"For all the promises of God in Him are yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us" (2 Cor.1:20).
"[God] Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, when he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds; who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high..." (Hebr.1:2-3).
He is "Alpha and Omega" (Rev.1:11) and "the Amen, the faithful and true witness" (Rev.3:14).

No doubt the prayer is the highest form of human speech: In prayer we address God and at best we're completely selfless. Our will is the will of God in action. God's voice is made audible through human voice. "For thine is"... I can't do anything of myself, without God; "The kingdom": The substance of all the realms; "The power": One Life Force that penetrates the worlds; "The glory": Final result, fully perfected, divine being; "For ever and ever": If we only worry for material things, we don't store up for ourselves treasures in heaven - that which is eternal; "Amen": Signature and seal. The church pleads "So shall it be" and God confirms "It shall be so." The word came through Egypt originally from Sanskrit: AUM or OM - and represents the creative fiat, Logos.

Christian writing from the first century says that "Christians are for the world same as soul is for the body". Christ the Sun-Spirit is the Higher Self of the earth. Bread and wine being the true body and blood of Christ, we bear the spiritual homeopathy along with us unto the world, as Emil Bock writes in his book, "The Three years".
"I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world" (John 6:51).
Christ-impulse will grow through us, expanding all over the world!