My Visit on the "Dark Side"

Finally, as Lucifer, true to his name, he is the bearer of the spark of light, who descended through the planetary spheres from the highest light down to the matter, seeking to liberate it as a work of salvation. - Carl Jung

 I have an old post called "Satan loves you!", which illuminates my thoughts before I avowed myself a Luciferian. In that post I already write about the difference between Satan and Lucifer, but I was yet to own a title of Luciferian. 

Already in 2012 I was spiritually confused, and it felt kind of good: it was indicating that I had not stopped on my spiritual journey - I was still going forward. A year after that I found that I can never be sure where the next step will lead me, and it was exciting! A couple of years later I was like on open sea, no land in sight in any direction. 

So I had already started to move further away from my esoteric Christian denomination, I embraced many practices on my own, like Rosary and personal devotion before the home altar, that were not part of my faith tradition. I was interested in revolutionary ideas of Krishnamurti and Gurdjieff, as much as I was familiar with them (not so much really), and original Theosophical doctrines of H.P. Blavatsky, in stead of later watered down versions by others. Also, out of curiosity I was already somehow intrigued by darker things, like Satanism. I was flirting with the darkness. 

Then at the beginning of the year 2013 a real crisis occurred, as I have reported in my post, "Disillusioned - Enlightened", that really got me alienated from my Church; I felt I was not supported at all, the whole matter was more like hushed up. In a way, my community became exposed less than perfect, like any other religious community, or human community in general; Obviously, that should be no surprising, but to me it was devastating: my ideal was crushed. No wonder I fell to pessimism and cynicism. That was natural outcome of deep disappointment, and of course it was not very healthy, but it had nothing to do with the worldview in itself I soon chose. But I guess it gave me an excuse for anger, which was justified. 

The Eucharist on my home altar

I stopped going to Church, and fully embraced an individual approach to religious practice. I started to think I was a priest to myself, and finally even adopted the Eucharist as a central part of my daily devotion, which became more like the Mass in its entirety, with complete form of words and gestures. 

I don't remember how it exactly happened, but at some point I got tired of the whole Christianity thing. It was like that road was walked through, nothing more to see there. I wanted to explore the road less traveled. 

That was relatively short period in my life, about 2013-2015, and I never addressed the topic in this blog at the time. I did write another blog dedicated to this philosophy, entitled, "Ministry of Infernal Affairs", but it was in Finnish; I only wanted to include that wordplay, which is impossible to translate. Some of my themes were symbolism of Baphomet, and that of sigil of Lucifer, and that of the snake on the cross; Planet Venus; Connection between Wicca, Thelema, and Satanism; Yazidism, and Aleister Crowley's association with it; The Left-Hand Path in Hinduism and Buddhism; H.P. Blavatsky's thoughts on Christ and Lucifer; Prayer in Buddhism; The Eucharist in Thelema; and of course different schools of Luciferianism, and history of Satanism. Obviously, as in many of my blogs, I collected and translated those writings from various sources, they were not my own creation - but reflected ideas I was dealing with.  

When my partner suddenly died, I felt my worldview had become too gloomy to help me, and I deleted my new blog. Afterwards I thought it was too hasty, and I have regretted; great work got wasted. After all, there was absolutely nothing evil about it! 

Why I want to address the topic now, many years afterwards, is because I think it has a connection to Buddhism, and I still value that symbolism greatly, and see that phase extremely important. These are my personal views only! 

I was rebelling against the traditional religiousness and the old-testament image of god. That's why the archetype of all rebels! I didn't consider him a personal being, but rather the representative of the secret godhead in Gnostic sense (as I used to be a Gnostic, and it had a permanent influence on my thought, I guess). Selfishness was never idealized matter to me, even though I could sympathize with philosophical Satanists as well. Yet I made a distinction between Satanism and Luciferianism, as well as between the characters of Satan and Lucifer. There are many interpretations of course, but mainly I saw Satan representing matter, and Lucifer representing spirit. After all, astrologically Satan's planet is Saturn, and Lucifer's planet is Venus, and Venus is both the evening star and the morning star. Let him who has understanding calculate...

I had to break through the cultural conditioning and prejudices instilled in me, and I think it is great richness to see the both sides without fear. It is balance. This must have been the biggest benefit of this byway in my life. It's not in vain that Lucifer means "the bringer of light". 

It is interesting psychological phenomenon that for some of us detachment from Christianity and all childhood brainwashing requires turning to the opposite force built within this dualistic doctrine. But if you stop there, paradoxically you still hang on this imagery and concepts based on Christianity (obviously, fundamentally older than Christianity). However, if you understand Lucifer as the principle of evil portrayed by Theology, you don't understand at all! It was a necessary phase to rip me off from the last remains of Christianity. 

My Luciferian altar, 
made by myself

On my Luciferian altar I had a cross with a coiled snake, inspired by the Process Church of the Final Judgment, which I found very fascinating with their peculiar Theology. Later, I also had a sigil of Lucifer underneath. My daily practice was the Rosary of Azazel (not available online in English; the most repeated phrase on ten beads is, "Lucifer-Christos, Soul of God, have mercy on us": doesn't sound so terrifying, does it?) of the Finnish society, Star of Azazel, which tries to combine the right-hand and the left-hand paths, interpreting Satanism through Theosophy. My version of the practice was complemented with the prayer from the Tibetan Book of the Dead (couldn't find it in English), and Pater Noster (yes, in Latin, that "magical language"!). The Eucharist was also included, but justified by practices of Wicca and Thelema. I was reflecting on buying a ritual dagger and adding a pagan ritual, magical circle and pentagram drawn on four directions in the air, but it didn't reach realization. 

Perhaps my Luciferianism was about integration of my suppressed and forbidden shadow-side as a part of myself: angel and demon within me were merged, as a whole human being. 

My new worldview was short-lived, but I went deep. Even though I abandoned Luciferianism, am I not really more Luciferian today by nature than ever before? Outer destiny helped me through the spiritual revolution. My deep disappointment in religious people in 2013, and the sudden death of my partner in 2015, both were part of this process that took me through the darkness into the Light, purified and enlightened. Even my belief in people was restored. What used to be a spiritual ideal to me, now became a practical reality. 

Gnosticism and Luciferianism are still strong in me, and I don't mean as conscious thoughts, mixture of different ideas, but naturally through that spiritual relationship these things share with Buddhism. Carl Jung is the bond binding them together. Lucifer is the bringer of light, enlightenment is the goal of Buddhism; man aspires and attains, and the goal is within: no outer god with divine mercy bestows it. It's about individual and their psyche. Once Luciferianism is internalized, names and symbols don't matter. 

My Luciferian phase was accompanied by disappointment in people, especially religious people, that in a way led to disappointment in god, who made people in his image, or rather, whom people have made in their image. 

I still find paradise myth very meaningful. As Edward F. Edinger, Psychologist and Jungian analyst, has interpreted:

The drama of temptation and fall begins when the original state of passive inflation turns into the active inflation of a specific deed. The serpent's whole approach and appeal is expressed in inflationary terms - when you eat of this fruit, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God. So the fruit of the tree is eaten and the inevitable consequences unfold. 

It all begins because Adam and Eve dare to act on their desire to be like God. The myth depicts the birth of the consciousness as a crime which alienates man from God and from his original preconscious wholeness. The fruit is clearly symbolical of consciousness. It is the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which means that it brings awareness of the opposites, the specific feature of consciousness. 

Thus, according to this myth and the theological doctrines that rest on it, consciousness is the original sin, the original hubris, and the root cause of all evil in human nature. However, others have understood it differently. The Ophites, a Gnostic sect, worshipped the serpent. They had essentially the same view as modern psychology. To them the serpent represented the spiritual principle symbolizing redemption from bondage to the demiurge that created the Garden of Eden and would keep man in ignorance. 

The serpent was considered good and Yahweh bad. Psychologically the serpent is the principle of Gnosis, knowledge or emerging consciousness. The serpent's temptation represents the urge to self-realization in man and symbolizes the principle of individuation. Some gnostic sects even identified the serpent in the Garden of Eden with Christ. Eating the forbidden fruit marks the transition from the eternal state of unconscious oneness with the Self (the mindless, animal state) to a real conscious life in space and time. 

In short, the myth symbolizes the birth of the ego. The effect of this birth process is to alienate the ego from its origins. It now moves into a world of suffering, conflict and uncertainty. No wonder we are reluctant to take the step to greater consciousness. 

Indeed. There are no concepts of "sin" or "fall" in original story, neither according to Judaism. This story is actually very empowering - therapeutic myth, as Jung said! 

Blutengel: Morningstar

What other people say:

Demonic Transgressions: Or How I Became a Buddhist Luciferian

Why Luciferian Buddhism

Buddhism is incompatible with Abrahamism, but fully compatible with Luciferianism

Buddhism and Gnosticism

EXPERIENCE OF LIFE

My altar

This post is new in English, but it is collected and translated from one of my Finnish blogs. Now over a year has passed that I have been a practicing Nichiren Buddhist. Still doing Gongyo twice a day, I have read The Lotus Sutra in its entirety, and my respect for Gohonzon has just increased: while I don't have Butsudan, I no longer keep it always on display; with the help of my husband, I have made a special cover to hide it when I'm not chanting.
At some point, hopefully in near future, I will blog about my heart surgery on April 30th, but I'm still recovering, and that is harder topic to write about.

Tina Turner said:

Maybe I stopped saying the Lord’s Prayer and went into Buddhism because I needed new words—I needed refreshment— to get to the next step. I noticed that saying the Lord’s Prayer and chanting a mantra had a similar effect on me. But I was chanting a mantra for longer periods of time and more often than I had ever said the Lord’s Prayer. I didn’t have this system for the Lord’s Prayer and it’s a system that works for me.

I totally agree. Real change of viewpoint brings forth freshness in life.
For many years, I didn't consider myself a Christian anymore, but I was living in a religious void. I had stopped praying, and didn't care about theological questions I used to ponder a lot.
Perhaps I was previously estranged from Buddhism by the idea that it was purely intellectual philosophy, and that as a Buddhist you have to adopt specific rules for life, namely, abstinence from alcohol and meat (been there, done that, and that was enough for me).
Nichiren Buddhism is unique, and radically reinterprets traditional Buddhist doctrines. In its traditional form I couldn't accept Buddhism: even Zen was mostly a method of meditation for me. Its views are quite vague and hard to comprehend. More religious approach of Nichiren Buddhism suits better for me. I think Christianity with its otherworldlyness maintained unpractical dreaming, as I was mostly drifting in life without a goal, whereas Buddhism keeps me down to earth, and I am now very much an active agent in my life.

I have always been proud of my knowledge of religions, but obviously it has been superficial in terms of Buddhism. How could it be otherwise, as long as you observe it from outside. But it is also obvious, that I needed this level of maturity to adopt Buddhism: it is through my experience of life that I have come to understand, for instance, the Buddhist idea, that there is no permanent self; everything changes all the time. I have always believed in Reincarnation, but not in immortality of personal soul: this is also confirmed by Buddhism. In fact, I no longer use a word "Reincarnation", because it is misleading in Buddhist context.
Doctrines of Buddhism are very logical, and you can take them as working hypothesis to analyze your world with. Many doctrines of Christianity demand more blind faith in authority.
Along with Christianity I was also freed from quilt. Of course it doesn't mean I'm free to do what I know is wrong. It is worth to check out Buddha's ethics; it is very reasonable, not just commands to observe. You actually have to think for yourself!

As Buddhist teacher, Sangharakshita, has pointed out, there is a big difference how Buddhism and Christianity approach their own archetypes: Buddhism always clearly states, that in the end all these archetypal forms are expressions of our own ultimate consciousness, or projections of our subconsciousness, and they all need to be integrated with our own being. But in Christianity, similar archetypes are considered objectively existing Beings.
My view is not a mixture of both: I identify myself 100% of Buddhist. It is absolutely beneficial to observe one tradition in your religious practice. It will give you clear boundaries and guidelines for your spiritual life, and you don't just jump aimlessly here and there.

Along with these +40 years I have lived, my worldview has changed (completely, without minor variations) FOUR TIMES! Someone might think I'm a spiritual weathercock, but each and every time was generated by inner necessity. Every time I have been very serious and fully part of it. Man must only listen to one's heart and make his own paths. You can not question sincerity of another person's faith, unless you have walked in his or her shoes.
I dare to think my experiences give me quite unique perspective on these matters. I don't think I used to be wrong, and now I know the truth. I only understand better and see more. Everything we have experienced cultivates us, becomes part of us: even if you consciously leave something behind, it has left its mark on you. Our experiences shape us and our beliefs. We only have our experiences we can rely on. What you have read and may think it is true, is not your own, it's borrowed. When I compare my experience to other people's spiritual way, and I see they have stuck to one conviction all along, I don't get impression of "strong faith", but of stagnation.

My way proves to me that "truth" is very subjective matter. For me, truth today is not the same as truth yesterday, and yet I can't deny I have experienced it so strongly, that I have been a fanatical "defender of truth", as I have seen it. I have been through everything, but nowadays it's very difficult to understand the kind of mentality whereby there was an objective, universal, and absolute Truth. I only see "truths" that are theories, opinions, and beliefs. Buddha remained silent when asked about "God"; he didn't necessarily deny "God", it just doesn't matter here and now. Zen Buddhist aphorism says, that if you meet Buddha on the road, kill him. Just as well, if you meet Jesus. Mental concepts are obstacles you have to remove.

Basically, my mind has not changed from time when I avowed myself a Luciferian, only cynicism and pessimism have vanished, and I don't need to veil my thoughts with sinister symbolism. My Luciferianism was short-lived, but I went deep, and now that I have abandoned that outlook, I think I might be more Luciferian by nature than ever before. It was a necessary phase to help me to rip myself off even from the last remains of Christianity. I had to break through the cultural conditioning and preconceptions I was indoctrinated with. I think my Luciferianism was fundamentally about integration of my suppressed and forbidden shadow-side: angel and demon within me became one, I became whole.
Outer destiny helped me to spiritual revolution and breakthrough: my disappointment in religious people in 2013, and a sudden death of my partner in 2015, were part of the process that took me through the darkness into the Light, purified and enlightened. What used to be an ideal for me, now became reality.

The specific dogmas of religions are human invention; unlike Christianity, Buddhism does not plead for Divine origin. It is true, there is spiritual dimension of life a person can get in touch with; religions offer different methods for this. I must admit, that out of all religions, I think Buddhism has best  reached the essential, but you don't have to believe that. 

It's like religions paint the picture of the world, that essentially can not be described by human concepts. Interpretation of each artist, and even their technique, is different, even if the subject was same. Instead of things being objectively "as it is written", they can be true to you; Beliefs have their psychological affect in any case, and it can be either positive or negative. This is almost self-evident, and yet it is not for all, especially for religious believers. It is a big difference after all, whether you think Hell is a real place, where some people will suffer for eternity, or it is a state of mind that you can alter by yourself.

Even as a Buddhist, I will stay as a member of The Christian Community and go to Church from time to time, even though my practice satisfies all my spiritual needs. There was a time when I experienced the Service of The Christian Community as strongly as my Buddhist practice now... how it was like a heartbeat of my life.
It proves that whatever the religion, it doesn't matter what you believe in; it's crucial what you feel, and the spirit is same, no matter the form... The frame of religion - sacred scriptures, rituals, doctrines - are basically indifferent, but when you internalize certain tradition and make it yours, they can help you to direct your attention to that very core, that can only be experienced. For someone representing a different tradition, all that can be disturbing, but you can also learn to "see through" everything external.

Community and tradition may be important, and myths, symbols, and rituals have their meaning even if you didn't believe literally what they are supposed to represent.
I didn't believe for long time anymore, and since as a Christian I was esotericist, it's not hard for me to say that the Gospels would be true even if Jesus had never lived - which I don't doubt, though - a thought most certainly unthinkable for  any exoteric Christian.
In the main Holy Scripture of Nichiren Buddhism, The Lotus Sutra, teachings are framed with supernatural events and beings; you're not supposed to take it literally, it appeals to your imagination. Interestingly enough, there is a lot of similar atmosphere in the Gnostic Gospels, but as we all know, tales of the Bible are often taken as historical accounts... I would go as far as saying, that at its best, the Bible is a collection of aphorisms; at its worst, it's toilet paper. But there are much better collections of aphorisms in the world, and toilet paper of better quality.

People who cling to one book, are dangerous, and it is mere stupidity to build your life on scriptures thousands of years old! I know The Bible very well, better than many fundamentalists, unconcerned of historical facts. I'm also quite learnt man, without degrees. I have read up on historical-critical Bible study, Church history, philosophy of religion, mythology, esoterism, atheistic criticism of religion... Nonfiction provides you with intellectual stimulation, spiritual literature - as well as biographies of people who walked the spiritual path - provides you with inspiration, but also fiction nourishes your soul, and during my life I have read many Classics, that have made an impression on me and become my favorites, to which I have returned several times.
To get forward, you sometimes have to "unlearn" knowledge you have recorded on your mind, but first you have to have as comprehensive knowledge as possible, otherwise you are just ignorant.

I don't believe in one and only truth, yet there is one and only truth for me, and that is to be true to yourself: there is no outward authority, not a single teacher or sacred scripture above others - there is only one master, inner master! I don't have answers for anyone else, I don't need that kind of certainty.