EXPERIENCE OF LIFE

My altar

This post is new in English, but it is collected and translated from one of my Finnish blogs. Now over a year has passed that I have been a practicing Nichiren Buddhist. Still doing Gongyo twice a day, I have read The Lotus Sutra in its entirety, and my respect for Gohonzon has just increased: while I don't have Butsudan, I no longer keep it always on display; with the help of my husband, I have made a special cover to hide it when I'm not chanting.
At some point, hopefully in near future, I will blog about my heart surgery on April 30th, but I'm still recovering, and that is harder topic to write about.

Tina Turner said:

Maybe I stopped saying the Lord’s Prayer and went into Buddhism because I needed new words—I needed refreshment— to get to the next step. I noticed that saying the Lord’s Prayer and chanting a mantra had a similar effect on me. But I was chanting a mantra for longer periods of time and more often than I had ever said the Lord’s Prayer. I didn’t have this system for the Lord’s Prayer and it’s a system that works for me.

I totally agree. Real change of viewpoint brings forth freshness in life.
For many years, I didn't consider myself a Christian anymore, but I was living in a religious void. I had stopped praying, and didn't care about theological questions I used to ponder a lot.
Perhaps I was previously estranged from Buddhism by the idea that it was purely intellectual philosophy, and that as a Buddhist you have to adopt specific rules for life, namely, abstinence from alcohol and meat (been there, done that, and that was enough for me).
Nichiren Buddhism is unique, and radically reinterprets traditional Buddhist doctrines. In its traditional form I couldn't accept Buddhism: even Zen was mostly a method of meditation for me. Its views are quite vague and hard to comprehend. More religious approach of Nichiren Buddhism suits better for me. I think Christianity with its otherworldlyness maintained unpractical dreaming, as I was mostly drifting in life without a goal, whereas Buddhism keeps me down to earth, and I am now very much an active agent in my life.

I have always been proud of my knowledge of religions, but obviously it has been superficial in terms of Buddhism. How could it be otherwise, as long as you observe it from outside. But it is also obvious, that I needed this level of maturity to adopt Buddhism: it is through my experience of life that I have come to understand, for instance, the Buddhist idea, that there is no permanent self; everything changes all the time. I have always believed in Reincarnation, but not in immortality of personal soul: this is also confirmed by Buddhism. In fact, I no longer use a word "Reincarnation", because it is misleading in Buddhist context.
Doctrines of Buddhism are very logical, and you can take them as working hypothesis to analyze your world with. Many doctrines of Christianity demand more blind faith in authority.
Along with Christianity I was also freed from quilt. Of course it doesn't mean I'm free to do what I know is wrong. It is worth to check out Buddha's ethics; it is very reasonable, not just commands to observe. You actually have to think for yourself!

As Buddhist teacher, Sangharakshita, has pointed out, there is a big difference how Buddhism and Christianity approach their own archetypes: Buddhism always clearly states, that in the end all these archetypal forms are expressions of our own ultimate consciousness, or projections of our subconsciousness, and they all need to be integrated with our own being. But in Christianity, similar archetypes are considered objectively existing Beings.
My view is not a mixture of both: I identify myself 100% of Buddhist. It is absolutely beneficial to observe one tradition in your religious practice. It will give you clear boundaries and guidelines for your spiritual life, and you don't just jump aimlessly here and there.

Along with these +40 years I have lived, my worldview has changed (completely, without minor variations) FOUR TIMES! Someone might think I'm a spiritual weathercock, but each and every time was generated by inner necessity. Every time I have been very serious and fully part of it. Man must only listen to one's heart and make his own paths. You can not question sincerity of another person's faith, unless you have walked in his or her shoes.
I dare to think my experiences give me quite unique perspective on these matters. I don't think I used to be wrong, and now I know the truth. I only understand better and see more. Everything we have experienced cultivates us, becomes part of us: even if you consciously leave something behind, it has left its mark on you. Our experiences shape us and our beliefs. We only have our experiences we can rely on. What you have read and may think it is true, is not your own, it's borrowed. When I compare my experience to other people's spiritual way, and I see they have stuck to one conviction all along, I don't get impression of "strong faith", but of stagnation.

My way proves to me that "truth" is very subjective matter. For me, truth today is not the same as truth yesterday, and yet I can't deny I have experienced it so strongly, that I have been a fanatical "defender of truth", as I have seen it. I have been through everything, but nowadays it's very difficult to understand the kind of mentality whereby there was an objective, universal, and absolute Truth. I only see "truths" that are theories, opinions, and beliefs. Buddha remained silent when asked about "God"; he didn't necessarily deny "God", it just doesn't matter here and now. Zen Buddhist aphorism says, that if you meet Buddha on the road, kill him. Just as well, if you meet Jesus. Mental concepts are obstacles you have to remove.

Basically, my mind has not changed from time when I avowed myself a Luciferian, only cynicism and pessimism have vanished, and I don't need to veil my thoughts with sinister symbolism. My Luciferianism was short-lived, but I went deep, and now that I have abandoned that outlook, I think I might be more Luciferian by nature than ever before. It was a necessary phase to help me to rip myself off even from the last remains of Christianity. I had to break through the cultural conditioning and preconceptions I was indoctrinated with. I think my Luciferianism was fundamentally about integration of my suppressed and forbidden shadow-side: angel and demon within me became one, I became whole.
Outer destiny helped me to spiritual revolution and breakthrough: my disappointment in religious people in 2013, and a sudden death of my partner in 2015, were part of the process that took me through the darkness into the Light, purified and enlightened. What used to be an ideal for me, now became reality.

The specific dogmas of religions are human invention; unlike Christianity, Buddhism does not plead for Divine origin. It is true, there is spiritual dimension of life a person can get in touch with; religions offer different methods for this. I must admit, that out of all religions, I think Buddhism has best  reached the essential, but you don't have to believe that. 

It's like religions paint the picture of the world, that essentially can not be described by human concepts. Interpretation of each artist, and even their technique, is different, even if the subject was same. Instead of things being objectively "as it is written", they can be true to you; Beliefs have their psychological affect in any case, and it can be either positive or negative. This is almost self-evident, and yet it is not for all, especially for religious believers. It is a big difference after all, whether you think Hell is a real place, where some people will suffer for eternity, or it is a state of mind that you can alter by yourself.

Even as a Buddhist, I will stay as a member of The Christian Community and go to Church from time to time, even though my practice satisfies all my spiritual needs. There was a time when I experienced the Service of The Christian Community as strongly as my Buddhist practice now... how it was like a heartbeat of my life.
It proves that whatever the religion, it doesn't matter what you believe in; it's crucial what you feel, and the spirit is same, no matter the form... The frame of religion - sacred scriptures, rituals, doctrines - are basically indifferent, but when you internalize certain tradition and make it yours, they can help you to direct your attention to that very core, that can only be experienced. For someone representing a different tradition, all that can be disturbing, but you can also learn to "see through" everything external.

Community and tradition may be important, and myths, symbols, and rituals have their meaning even if you didn't believe literally what they are supposed to represent.
I didn't believe for long time anymore, and since as a Christian I was esotericist, it's not hard for me to say that the Gospels would be true even if Jesus had never lived - which I don't doubt, though - a thought most certainly unthinkable for  any exoteric Christian.
In the main Holy Scripture of Nichiren Buddhism, The Lotus Sutra, teachings are framed with supernatural events and beings; you're not supposed to take it literally, it appeals to your imagination. Interestingly enough, there is a lot of similar atmosphere in the Gnostic Gospels, but as we all know, tales of the Bible are often taken as historical accounts... I would go as far as saying, that at its best, the Bible is a collection of aphorisms; at its worst, it's toilet paper. But there are much better collections of aphorisms in the world, and toilet paper of better quality.

People who cling to one book, are dangerous, and it is mere stupidity to build your life on scriptures thousands of years old! I know The Bible very well, better than many fundamentalists, unconcerned of historical facts. I'm also quite learnt man, without degrees. I have read up on historical-critical Bible study, Church history, philosophy of religion, mythology, esoterism, atheistic criticism of religion... Nonfiction provides you with intellectual stimulation, spiritual literature - as well as biographies of people who walked the spiritual path - provides you with inspiration, but also fiction nourishes your soul, and during my life I have read many Classics, that have made an impression on me and become my favorites, to which I have returned several times.
To get forward, you sometimes have to "unlearn" knowledge you have recorded on your mind, but first you have to have as comprehensive knowledge as possible, otherwise you are just ignorant.

I don't believe in one and only truth, yet there is one and only truth for me, and that is to be true to yourself: there is no outward authority, not a single teacher or sacred scripture above others - there is only one master, inner master! I don't have answers for anyone else, I don't need that kind of certainty.